Showing posts with label quitting your job. Show all posts

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO



Careers can be a lot like dating.

It all starts with courting. 
You're assessing potential employers, trying to see how many qualities they have that you can "check off" your list. Then you pitch yourself to them, crossing your fingers that they see only your best qualities (because that's all you're showing them, of course).

Then the first date. 
BAM! You've scored an interview. Your palms are a bit sweaty. You've rehearsed some small talk, just in case there's awkward silence. When you leave, you just know your interviewer is going to talk about you to their friends...you just hope they're saying nice things.

The terrible, horrible wait. 
The three-day text rule is unbearable. You want to call and ask for an update, but don't want to seem clingy or desperate. Then just when you can't bear it anymore, your phone buzzes! You got the job!

The honeymoon.
Your first day is great. Meeting your teammates is like going to a non-awkward family dinner where everyone loves you and wants to talk to you. Every assignment is new and exciting, and even the annoying curmudgeon on the team is bearable. Why doesn't he realize how awesome this place is?

...but then it declines. 
Time goes on. It's been six months since you've gotten a new challenge. Your assignments feel rote and while you do your best to get 'em done, your heart's not in it. You can't believe that you ever thought this emotional, flawed human being that is your boss was perfect. And why won't your direct report stop leaving banana peels on your desk?! Patience? Yeah, that's gone for good.

And then you feel guilt.
"But careers are hard work," you tell yourself! "I made a commitment, and I'm not just going to throw in the towel when things get tough."

Or are you?

Just like realizing the person you thought was "the one" maybe isn't, it's hard to know whether it's time to walk away from a job opportunity that once seemed so promising. And this can be especially scary when you know it's not as simple as walking out the door, declaring yourself "single" and being handed a replacement job that perfectly suits your needs.

But just as it is frightening, staying in a job where you're truly unhappy, unfulfilled or simply not challenged can be just as detrimental. Just as we deserve a caring, loving partner, we deserve a job that makes us feel like we're contributing to the world in a way that's meaningful to us.

So how do you decide when to stay and when to go?

1) Start paying attention to yourself and your emotions.
Spend a few days in an "out of body" experience at work. What I mean by this is, I want you to monitor yourself and keep track of how you feel and react in the situations you encounter. What emotions fill you up when you wake up in the morning? How does that change as you get ready for work or as you walk into the office? What fluctuations occur throughout the day as you complete certain tasks, interact with certain people or handle certain challenges?

2) Chart your emotions and look for patterns.
Do you feel excited about the work day, but then find yourself falling into a funk when your boss criticizes your work? Do you want to bang your head against the wall when you're asked to do one task, but then feel the stirrings of excitement at the next? It's important for you to identify the source, or sources, of your discomfort and then see what you can attach them to. For example, does your unhappiness primarily revolve around a person or group of people you work with, a process or procedure mandated by your group or company, a task or set of tasks or something else entirely?

3) Stop thinking about your current job for a moment and try to imagine your ideal job. What are you doing in this job? Where are you working? Who are you working with? What emotions do you feel while you're doing this job? Break down your ideal job into discrete components, rather than looking at the job as one holistic piece. Perhaps you're working outside feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, while teaching children a new skill? Perhaps you're in a high-rise building wearing a sharp suit and being clapped on the back by a teammate after securing a deal.

4) Draw some conclusions. How does your ideal job compare to your current job? Are there a lot of overlaps, but just a few key gaps, or is it mostly the opposite? Are you noticing that your unhappiness is tied to an area of your current job that is more easily changed (like a nasty teammate, a very specific task you don't enjoy) or to something more permanent or pervasive (the company's broader philosophy or approach, the entire job family in which you're working)?

When you can pinpoint the root of your dissatisfaction, you should be able to see whether or not the problem is with an aspect of your job, this specific job or your broader career. If it's one of the first two, the path forward is simpler. Sometimes something as small as an honest conversation with your boss can help remedy the issue, or if you like your company but not your job, perhaps you can talk about an internal transfer that would rejuvenate you. If you dislike your company, but not your job, you at least know it'll be pretty cut and dry to transfer your skills to another role in your field, and provided you can keep up a positive attitude while you're waiting, you can hold on to your job and search for something new while keeping your paycheck.

Of course, sometimes it becomes obvious that you've just outgrown your career, or maybe you realize you were never well-suited for it in the first place (and trust me, this is WAY more common than you know). For me, it became obvious that a career change was necessary when I was so unhappy I prayed to get sick, just so I didn't have to go into work. Couple that draining emotion with the fact that I no longer felt inspired by my field, and it felt like walking through quicksand just to get through the day.

But what do you do if you discover that a career change actually would be beneficial? How do you navigate the waters of trying to figure out what you do want to do, how your skills transfer and how you can break into a field where you potentially have no direct experience?

You probably won't be surprised to hear that my advice is to hire a coach, and I'm not just saying this because I am a coach, but because I credit my own career success to the hours I spent working with coaches (and I still have my own coaches today).  Does this mean you can't change careers on your own? Absolutely not. But for me, having a support system, and knowing there was someone out there with expertise that had my back, gave me the confidence, accountability and extra push that I needed to make decisions and take action, even when it scared the living daylights out of me.

A great career coach can help you wade through all of the conflicting emotions spinning through your head. They can help you nail down the framework for a job that will actually align with your strengths, skills, values and preferences. They can be the objective outsider who sees beyond your limitations, who challenges your skewed belief systems and who pushes you to embrace new perspectives and possibilities. They can help you set goals, stick to them and ultimately move you into a new job faster and with less trial and error than you could on your own.

Regardless of the path you choose, know that it is NORMAL to want to change careers, and that realizing that you're ready for something new is a sign of growth, not of being broken. Embrace that change within you and progress onward to discover the new, exciting person you're about to become. Good luck!

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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
breaking up
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SHOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT?



This is a really tough post to write.

Why? Because first and foremost, I've worked in a toxic environment (in fact on more than one occasion), so I can relate to the subject matter, and it's hard not to let those old emotions rise back to the surface.

Second, in my opinion there's little worse than getting up, day after day, and dragging your body to a job that you hate. Or a job where you're criticized. Or harassed. Or reprimanded so consistently that you start to question whether you have any skills, strengths or redeemable qualities at all.

Finally, an environment like that makes you feel shitty while you're at work, and if I were a betting woman, I'd guess you feel pretty shitty at home, too. As much as we try to convince ourselves that our professional and personal lives are distinct spheres, it's just not the case. They're intertwined, and what happens in one affects the other. Period, end of sentence.

One of my very best friends is smack in the middle of a situation that she readily admits is toxic, and she feels stuck. People all around her are quitting their jobs, her boss is monitoring her every move (even though she's a trustworthy, consistent high performer) and the woman leading her organization puts on a "face" for the public, then belittles her employees behind closed doors. She's at her wit's end, is applying for lots of jobs and really just doesn't know what else to do.

We spent more than an hour talking about her job the other night, and at the end of our chat she asked me to write a blog post with advice for people who aren't sure whether or not they should leave their toxic job. I thought about it, and knocking the post idea to the side for a moment, wanted to reach through the phone, march into her office and tell her company just how little they deserved her. I HATE seeing her in such pain.

But then I put my coaching hat on, tucked my personal feelings back where they belonged and told her this: I love the idea, but in coaching we believe (more often than not) that advice is dangerous. Advising someone to do something based on my personal values is counter to the foundation of coaching, which believes you need to take actions that align with your personal values. Especially in such a precarious situation as this, I could be doing a lot of damage if I told someone to quit their job and a result of them following my advice something negative happened.

Of course, I still want to help, so instead I've put together four steps that I hope will inspire anyone wrestling with this situation, and help them take a step back and evaluate the many alternatives they could pursue to bring about change.

Step 1: Create a vision of your ideal job. Write it down, maybe draw a picture, color it in.

When I say this to people, it often results in some funny looks, because they aren't used to thinking in terms of "ideals" (especially if their ideal job is to be a rockstar and they're a 45-year-old accountant). Trust me for a moment. Dreaming, using your imagination and envisioning what your perfect day on the job would look and feel like creates hope. It makes you feel excited and inspired, even if that outcome never comes to pass. And for someone that goes into work every day and feels awful, finding that source of hope can be a powerful motivator.

Step 2: Evaluate your ideal and figure out how your current job differs from your vision (even if that's theoretically). 

Let's take the rockstar example. One of the key differences between being an accountant and a rockstar is the ability to be creative. Or the ability to work outside of an office setting. Note the differences you discover, because they'll be key criteria for you to look for when/if you start hunting for new jobs.

Step 3: Think about all of the different ways you could remove the toxic aspect from your job.

Have a toxic manager that treats you poorly? Do they have the potential to improve? If yes, could you speak to them about your concern and share a course or article you've found on remedying the issue at hand? If not, could you move to a different manager that would treat you with more respect?

Hate the tasks you're doing everyday? Is the company big enough that you could move into a different functional area? Or, if it's a small company, could you pitch a new role to the executive team and create a job for yourself that would give you more pleasure? Could you suggest a rotation with another colleague looking for a change and give BOTH of you the chance to use your skills more effectively?

Step 4: Examine what you've learned, how you feel, make a decision and make a plan.

 You might realize that in evaluating your situation more thoroughly there are a few different options you could try that would remove the toxicity. Maybe your efforts will work, maybe they won't, but particularly for people who don't have the luxury of just quitting their job, these small wins may make things a little more bearable (at maximum, they'll work better than you thought).

It may come to pass after all of this reflection that you do feel that leaving is the best choice, and in that case, I encourage you to set a goal, and develop your plan to meet that goal. Maybe for the next 6 months, you'll devote 5 hours a week to the job search, and you'll cut back on X expenses so you can save up X -- a buffer that would let you quit your job and stay afloat for X months.

Whatever the terms, build something that works for you and your lifestyle, but get specific and push yourself to set a deadline.

Ultimately, here's the good news. Most toxic work environments don't last forever because YOU are in the driver's seat of your own life. You have the power to make change happen, even if it takes time, so if you commit to creating a better situation for yourself, you can and you will.

This is going to sound SO cheesy, but as a Disney fanatic, I just have to end with this analogy. Remember the scene where Peter Pan is trying to teach Wendy, John and Michael how to fly? He instructs them to "think of the happiest things -- it's the same as having wings." When the children shift their mindset to wonderful things, wonderful things happen as a result. Sure, they need a sprinkle of pixie dust to help them along (because thoughts alone might not be quite enough!), but it's their own shift in mindset that activates what they previously thought was impossible.

On that note, you can fly, you can fly, you can fly. Believe in yourself. I do.

_________________________________________________________________________________
Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
quitting your job
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