Showing posts with label managing people. Show all posts

HOW TO NOT BE A SHITTY MANAGER (OR THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF GREAT LEADERS)



It's been stated a hundred times, so this particular thought isn't anything new, but it's worth repeating to get this blog post off to a good start: In business you get promoted because you're great at executing a specific task, but the more and more you're promoted, the less you're actually asked to complete the task you were great at in the first place. 

It's a fascinating dichotomy, because if we look at our educational systems, we spend 12+ years learning tactile, specific, repeatable skills designed to help us succeed in the workplace, yet we're given very little direct training in teamwork, communication styles, leadership and managing people.

This might be fine if you're a research chemist, and you literally spend every day performing experiments in a lab by yourself, but if you're an entrepreneur, in any business or corporate field or are in any company where there's a supervisory capacity, chances are the day is going to come when the skills you've been taught become obsolete.

If we think about it this way -- that functionally most of us just simply aren't taught how to be good bosses -- it becomes less of a surprise as to why so many people suck at it. I've seen dozens of co-workers who excelled as individual contributors completely lose their shit when it comes down to managing a team. They either don't understand how to delegate properly, or they aren't sure how to coach rather than critique. They're confused when it comes to building the skills of those around them, and perhaps worst of all, they don't know how to truly play as a team where the "rising tide floats all boats" mentality is prevalent.

I'll never forget this life-changing piece of advice that I received from my boss, Richard, when I was temporarily back-filling a marketing strategy role for Disney Cruise Line. Richard, who was one of the gems I've worked for, advised me to be a leadership sponge. He told me to watch the leaders around me and to take note when they did something great. He said to pay attention to my own feelings in the work place and to analyze when a leader made me feel good versus small. Over time, he said, I'd start to understand the difference between smart, strong leadership behaviors and those that should be avoided.

He was right.

When I became a people manager myself, I proactively went back to my internal book of leadership notes, and although I was by no means perfect, I think my years of observation helped me apply a thing or two that worked. Now I want to share these learnings with you!

1) GREAT LEADERS NEVER CHASTISE THEIR DIRECT REPORTS -- NOT IN PUBLIC OR IN PRIVATE
Your direct reports are humans, just like you and me, and humans are destined to screw up sometimes. But just like a dog will start to shy away from an outreached hand if you smack it as a form of discipline, your direct report will start to a) shy away from you and b) shy away from risks if you use sharp criticism and negativity as a means of shaping their behavior.

Here's an example. When I was working for Capital One, I misunderstood a direction that my manager had given me, and therefore I replied to an email that I shouldn't have, CCing a group of people that I also shouldn't have. I made a mistake -- there was no doubt about it -- but rather than addressing it calmly, my manager shot me a harshly-worded, anger-laced email chastising me. I reacted just like that hurt puppy would: I recoiled, felt terrible about myself for the rest of the day, and my productivity plummeted. Furthermore, in the future, I defaulted to asking for her permission before doing simple tasks or sought to repeat instructions multiple times, all because I was now terrified of awakening the dragon.

You could say I just didn't have tough enough skin. But why put someone in a situation where they need thick skin when there's an even better way to handle it that results in them feeling supported and empowered?

My favorite boss ever, Bryan, who I worked with at Disney Vacation Club for two years, was the absolute expert in stuff like this. Although I did plenty wrong during my time there, I never once felt as though I failed. If Bryan had critiques to offer me, he did so a) in person, b) after hearing my side of the story first and c) by delivering it in a kind, thoughtful manner whereby he reassured me he had my back and would work with me to fix the issue the next time. I always left his office with a smile on my face and feeling inspired to tackle a task, rather than dreading it.

2) GREAT LEADERS KNOW HOW TO LET THEIR DIRECT REPORTS "SWIM," WHILE KEEPING A LIFE RAFT AT THE READY
In my first marketing role at Disney, my manager Belinda gave me this direction: "You go on out and swim, swim, swim. If you go too far, I've got the fishing rod, and I'll just reel you back in." She understood that her role as my manager was not just to make sure that I got my work done, but to give me the opportunities I needed to grow and develop, while also having a cushion to fall back on.

Bryan understood this too. If I was in a meeting and at any point felt unsure of how to answer a superior's question or tackle a challenge set before me, I had only to glance at him, and he just knew. Without hesitation, he jumped in and had my back, but just as quickly would pass the reins back to me when he knew I could handle it.

This is unlike other bosses I've seen who either keep their direct reports on such a tight leash that they stifle their growth -- oftentimes done out of insecurity that someone else's success will usurp their own -- or they sit back and let their direct reports flounder, only jumping in when doing so makes them look good. This behavior might make the manager feel like they're the smartest person in the room, but it won't win them any long-term favors. When their direct reports aren't happy and either leave the company or seek to transfer to another team, that'll reflect poorly on them. And don't even think for a minute that they'll be safe from developing a poor reputation around the office. Tales of crappy leadership spread like wildfire.

3) GREAT LEADERS SPEND MORE TIME ASKING YOU WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD BE DONE, RATHER THAN TELLING YOU WHAT THEY THINK YOU SHOULD DO
This is a tough one to grasp, particularly for new leaders, because as we mentioned at the top of the post, you become a manager because you're really good at a certain task. And now you, oftentimes, have this wide-eyed junior employee sitting at your feet, and they know nothing about doing this task that you're an expert in. It can be all too tempting to sit up on your high horse and instruct your direct report time after time, but the reality is that real learning often comes from them figuring things out on their own.

There are some cases where instruction is necessary. If you need to teach them a new program, define a concept for them or show them an example of a finished product that they've never seen before, by all means, instruct away. But if they're running into a challenge, aren't 100% sure how to proceed or want feedback on something they're about to do, ask them what they think before you ever offer your opinion.

The truth is that your direct report probably isn't too far off from the right response. After all, you hired them because they had some baseline level of qualifications that, at least in your estimate, would set them up for success in this role. By you allowing them to express their thoughts, you're reinforcing their critical thinking processes and instilling confidence in them. If they're way off base, you can chime in and course-correct, but by acknowledging the smart thinking they did first, you're teaching them that exploring options themselves and coming to you with a recommended plan of action is smart.

Listen, being a great leader isn't easy. It's why, when you work for a great boss, you hold onto them for as long as possible and seek to learn as much from them as you can. It's also why, when you become a people manager, it becomes critical to ask for, and be open to receiving, feedback. Some of the leadership behaviors that we discussed here are simpler to proactively apply than others, but we can't forget that any management position is a two-way street, and you'll need to customize your approach based on who you're managing and how you best communicate. You'll prime yourself for the ultimate levels of success if you're willing to meet your direct reports halfway and continue improving yourself as you go -- after all, it takes two to tango!

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Now it's your turn. What else have you experienced as a manager or someone who was managed that has built you up or torn you down? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
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MANAGEMENT TIP: A RISING TIDE FLOATS ALL BOATS



About six months ago, I discovered podcasting. I know, I know, I'm dreadfully late to this game, but I never thought I'd like them til I found myself craving a "more productive" way to walk around Philadelphia. I've got a host of podcasts to recommend based on your fancy, but today's post comes in response to a recent episode of Good Life Project, hosted by Jonathan Fields.

Like most podcasters, Jonathan typically creates longer episodes featuring special guests, but this particular episode - "What if you were defined by your worst moment?" - was one of his shorter sound bites where he speaks on a topic for just a few minutes...long enough to give you a meaty bite to chew on.

In this episode, Jonathan tackled the hot topic of comparison and talked about how people prefer earning $75K a year next to people that earn $50K, rather than earning $100K a year next to people that earn $125K. Somehow that extra $25K of salary becomes "less valuable" to us, because we frame it in the context of being less than other people, and that fundamentally feels bad.

He goes on to talk about our tendency to make snap judgments of others, routinely based on a person's worst moment. A person might, in totality, have a life that's characterized by benevolence and kindness, but somehow when we witness that person in a single, weak moment and see them act out of rage, hatred, ignorance or the like, we apply that negativity to them as a whole. Sadly, there's something in this behavior that makes us feel better about ourselves, even if we might do the same exact thing at another point in time.

Jonathan's challenge is for us to become more conscious of this tendency and to rewrite the tape so that we're seeing people as fundamentally good. He asks that we aim less often to elevate our sense of self by making others seem "less than," and more to help others rise along with us.

I think regardless of the context, this is a great lesson to think about, but I see it with specific applicability in the working world, especially if you are a manager of other people. In my time in the work place, I've witnessed two general types of managers: those that manage from a source of fear and those that manage from a source of abundance.

What do I mean by that?

People that manage from a source of fear have a fundamental need to prove they are the "boss." They thrive off authority, being in control, and often, appearing to be the smartest person in the room. These managers might take credit for work you've done or might speak quickly and loudly in meetings so they're heard above the voices of others. They tend to recruit people they feel superior to, then seek to maintain that superiority. They might limit the tasks or challenges put before you, or might overly critique great work, as if they're actively looking for flaws.

People that manage from a source of abundance, on the other hand, believe that there are enough opportunities for everyone to succeed. They don't need to exert control at every moment of the day. They are confident in their abilities, but actively recognize that they're not the smartest person in the room. They seek to hire people smarter than them, because they know those people will not only help them learn, but will reflect success back on them. These managers will champion you for a promotion, even if that puts you at their level, because they're not in the game to compete with you, but to grow you.

The manager in the first scenario manages from fear often because of deep insecurities. Like the behavior Jonathan discusses in the podcast, they need to see others as inferior in order to boost their own self-esteem.

But these managers forget that a rising tide floats all boats. They forget that a team grows stronger, more capable and more productive as each individual member thrives. And what they don't realize is that their behavior creates vicious cycles that ultimately hinder their own growth.

An employee without autonomy, challenge and room to grow will either wither away and become a disengaged, under-performer or will become resentful of the manager, perhaps even complaining to a more senior leader. Just as the successes of a team reflect positively on the abundance-driven manager, so do these behaviors reflect negatively on the fear-driven manager.

One of the best pieces of advice that I received very early in my career was to watch the leaders around me and take note of their actions. When they did something that made me feel inspired, encouraged and motivated, I wrote it down. When they did something that made me feel discouraged, criticized or patronized, I wrote that down, too. I was challenged to build my own managerial style based on the positive things I saw in others, then work to squash any behaviors that I disliked receiving myself. It forced me to think about who I wanted to be as a manager, and it helped me actively craft and hone in on my leadership style.

Of course, no one's perfect. Everyone, even the manager who consciously strives to lead from a place of abundance, can (and probably will) slip into moments of managing from fear. We're human! But the great news is that if you can successfully develop a judgment-free work zone where your colleagues are accustomed to searching for the good in others, your mistakes will be seen as just that, isolated incidents that don't define you.

My challenge for you today is two-fold:

1) If you aspire to be a people manager someday, start observing other leaders NOW and think about what type of manager you want to be. Start practicing some of your skills, perhaps with interns or through indirect influence with colleagues. It's never too soon to start figuring out what feels authentic to you.

2) If you already manage people, reflect on your style. Think about the legacy you want to leave with your team and how your current style supports or refutes that goal. What are you doing well today, and what new behaviors could you put into place to strengthen your skills or relationships?

Let me know how your reflection goes in the comments below, and subscribe to Good Life Project while you're at it!

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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
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