HOW I GOT MY FIRST JOB AT DISNEY



My mom took me to Walt Disney World for the first time when I was 4 years old. You know, the typical rite-of-passage trip that most parents, especially those raising their children in south Florida, aim to take before their kids stop believing Cinderella's a real princess? We went back when I was 5, because heck, little Gabby asked for it, and then we went back when I was 6, because I asked to go again. Those first few visits are blurry for me, save for the fantastic late 80s pictures that stand as evidence, but one thing was clear: I was hooked.

As soon as I learned how to memorize a phone number from a  TV commercial and dial it without help from mom, I was ordering those free Disney vacation planning VHS tapes, and whenever I'd feel sad or lonely, I'd pop in one of the tapes and the beautiful colors, magical melodies and smiling faces would make me feel better. I became one of those people I'm sure Disney marketing hates, because I ordered a tape every single year of my childhood (and I kept ordering once they transitioned to DVDs, so you can see how long this went on).

Year after year, I'd beg my mother to take me back to Disney. As I got older, she kept trying to convince me to visit other destinations in Florida -- Naples, Sanibel Island, St. Augustine -- but I wasn't interested in anything except my yearly visit to Mickey's house. I mean, how else was I going to try out all the new rides, see the new parades and eat the latest delicacies?

And so we went, and each time I'd enter the gates of one of the theme parks, a rush of happiness would come over me. Even today, I can't help but feel the stirrings of butterflies in my stomach when I enter the Magic Kingdom, smell that delicious, manufactured, warm cookies smell and hear the refrains of my favorite old-timey music. Disney is my happy place, and I don't think any distance, nor span of time, could refute that (in fact, they are probably the one company that could lure me back into the corporate world).

I give you this background because I want to illustrate just how passionate I've been about the Disney brand throughout my life, and to help underscore just how badly I wanted to work for the company when I graduated from college.

I had thought about applying for one of Disney's coveted internship roles (they offer standard internships where you work in the parks [although there's lots of education-related perks that come with this] and advanced professional internships where you're working in an office role), but the semester I started college they changed the program to such that you had to take a semester off of school to participate (rather than just interning in the summer). As someone on scholarship with financial constraints, this wasn't in the cards for me, so I sadly had to pass.

But once I got that diploma and threw my graduation cap into the air, I knew the hunt was on. I bookmarked the Disney Careers website, and every day I was on the computer submitting my resume for a variety of roles. I had majored in journalism, but was applying for all kinds of jobs in communications and marketing -- promotions, advertising, digital marketing, sponsorships, corporate alliances, etc.

Now let me brag for just a moment (I hate doing this, but it helps the story). I graduated from the University of Florida, which at the time was considered the best public university in the state, with a 4.0 GPA and as a valedictorian of my college. I had won numerous awards throughout my tenure, had a resume chock full of extracurricular activities and had completed two internships, one at a big brand name company (Motorola). I even had a gaggle of recommendation letters I could send people, published clips that showcased my writing skills and a local Florida address (which can sometimes help). There was little that I could have done to make my new graduate resume stronger, and yet...crickets.

That summer I submitted my resume to more than 200 jobs on the Disney Careers website, and the only thing I ever received in response was an automated email confirming my application had been received. The positions I was applying for were things I was clearly qualified for -- entry level jobs, or jobs asking for a year's work experience, which I assumed was flexible. Jobs asking for communications degrees, strong writing skills, a willingness to learn. And I was applying for things in LOTS of different departments, so I assumed that even if one didn't like me for some reason, surely I'd break through the clutter with another.

But nope. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I literally never heard anything from the company.

I went through the motions of applying for other jobs in my hometown, but one after the next I just hated what I was being offered. A telemarketing firm wanted to hire me for their call center. I hated talking to people on the phone. A local construction company wanted me to come in and do their marketing. I was bored just thinking about it. I finally wound up taking a part-time program associate role at one of the non-profits that had given me a college scholarship, simply to bring in a little money and get my mom off my back (by now I had turned down five full-time jobs offers, and I'm pretty sure she was ready for me to get out of the house).

I was bummed that I wasn't breaking through at Disney, because really and truly I knew it was where I was meant to be. Instead of quitting, I decided to take a different tack and find some other way to get my foot in the door. Oh, and I also set myself a time limit (I think it was four more months of searching before I swore I'd move on).

Now, I said that I decided to take a different tack, but if I'm being honest, I didn't really know what that tack was going to be, just that I knew what I was doing wasn't working. I started keeping my eyes open for ideas, and lo and behold, a few days later I received an issue of the Communigator in the mail (this was the alumni publication for UF's College of Journalism). As I was flipping through and reading an article here or there I saw that they had done a profile on a woman named Mary* who was a Director of Creative for Disney marketing. My heart started to pound a little, and the spark of an idea popped into my mind.

I grabbed the issue, went to my computer and penned a note to the Dean of my college (I had built a relationship with him during my tenure at UF, so I knew he'd know who I was). I told him I had just read Mary's profile and that I really wanted to work for Disney -- would he give me her contact information, pretty please? Within a day or two he responded with her phone number -- HER PHONE NUMBER -- I had been expecting an email address at the most! Now it was time to prepare for action.

Armed with that key piece of information, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and practiced my speech (thanks Mrs. Hasko for the excellent drama instruction that helped with this exercise). A few days later, my heart running quick as a race horse, I dialed her number. She answered.

"Hi Mary! My name is Gabby, and you don't know me, but I saw your profile in the Communigator, and I wanted to reach out to you. I'm a graduate of the College of Journalism too, and I really want to work for Disney. I was wondering if you'd help me?"

Granted, I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along those lines, and miraculously, here's what she said back to me:

"Sure. I think you're very brave to reach out to me like this, and I don't get contacted by UF alums very often, so I'd be happy to talk with you."

We set up a time to chat via phone, and I think she gave me about 30 minutes for the conversation. She shared great inside information on the culture at Disney and her background, but then the conversation ended, and no, I didn't walk away with a job in hand. I knew I needed to keep the relationship going, so I emailed Mary a few times, sending her an interesting article or giving her an update on my job search. Sometimes she'd respond, sometimes she didn't. I was hitting another dead end.

So I lied. Mary, if you're reading this cover your ears! But it's true. I knew this email/phone communication wasn't getting me where I needed to go, so I told Mary I was going to be in the Orlando area that week (not true), and could I come by the office and meet her in person? "Sure!" she said. She was happy to meet with me, and she'd introduce me to some of her colleagues on the floor.

I packed my bags, drove up to Orlando (about a 3.5 hour drive from my hometown), stayed with a friend who lived an hour away from the offices and got up at the crack of dawn to make my way over.

Standing there in front of the brightly colored building in the Stepford-Wives-like town of Celebration, I knew this was right, and I also knew every step I was taking was getting me inches closer to my dream.

Mary and I had a nice, 30-minute meeting and then, making good on her promise, she introduced me to four of her colleagues on the floor -- a couple that were in the promotions department, a man in the public relations department and a fourth that I can't even remember anymore. I came prepared with beautifully printed resumes on thick paper and my custom-designed business cards, and I handed them out like a boss, grabbing a business card in return from each person I met. I was there for maybe 60 minutes before I was being ushered out the door, and once more, it's not as though I left with a job (or even any prospective jobs) in hand.

From there, I became the squeaky wheel. Looking back on my behavior now, I likely wouldn't recommend a tactic quite to this level, but if my memory serves me correctly, I emailed every one of those contacts every two weeks for two months. I'd send them updates, ask them questions, share articles...all the typical things one does to build relationships. And each time I'd close asking if they knew of any open entry-level positions on their team or on the floor.

At the tail end of that two months, and with just a few weeks left in the timeframe I had set for myself, Rick, the public relations director I had met, responded. He had a PR consultant/contractor position that was coming available in the next few weeks. It was a 9-month contract with no benefits, and once the 9 months was up, I'd be out the door. Oh, and he was telling me about this, but really he didn't think I could handle it, because it was an in-the-trenches job that was demanding and typically required a little more experience.

There's nothing that motivates me more than being told by someone else that they don't think I can do something. I can't quite explain it, but somehow it activates in me a ridiculous desire to prove that person wrong. I emailed Rick back, explaining that I certainly could do the job, that I was willing to prove it to him and then asked when he'd like to interview me for it (damn, I was gutsy!).

We started with a phone interview, then he asked me to come in to shadow the woman who was currently in the job, and I remember the day like it was yesterday. Our task was to manage two photoshoots with Broadway star, John Tartaglia (the original Princeton from Avenue Q, among other things). He was leading a new Disney Channel series called Johnny & the Sprites and was doing a special show at the (then) Disney-MGM Studios. We were to supervise the photographer during the shoot of the show, then run the photoshoot that would have John and his puppets posing in front of the (then) signature icon of the park, Mickey's sorcerer's hat. I had to work really hard to control my fangirling when John walked up, because as a Broadway devotee, I was intimately familiar with him, his music and every lyric to the Avenue Q soundtrack. Watching the magic unfold was fascinating to me. I soaked it up and was still on my high when we returned to the offices, sorted through the selects from the photographer, picked the image we'd syndicate to our PR contacts and drafted things like the caption and pitch email.

This job was fantastic, and I knew it needed to be mine.

Two weeks, a number of follow-up emails and a bit more convincing on my part later, and I was at the car wash when I got the call from Rick that they wanted to hire me. No joke guys, I about shit my pants from pure happiness. It didn't matter that I had two weeks to move to Orlando to start this job. It didn't matter that I'd have no health care, no retirement savings plan, no free tickets to get into the parks. All that mattered was that I was going to be working for Disney, I'd be in that office every day and I'd have a full 6 months to make connections and ensure I was able to stay longer.

October 16, 2006 was my first day on the job.

There are so many more things I could tell you about my experience working at Disney, and at some point, I'll write more about how I did indeed turn that 9-month position into nearly two years at the company (before I voluntarily left to get my MBA), but today's story was about getting that first job, and it's already a doozy of a blog post. That said, before I leave you, I want to underscore a few points inherent to this story that I think are repeatable for others looking to get a very specific job:

1) I was persistent. Some might argue foolishly so, but I set a goal for myself, and I was relentless in pursuing it. I didn't let setbacks get in my way or make me give up. I was laser focused, and I looked for other avenues and opportunities to get to my end target when certain paths proved futile.

2) I used the power of people. My stellar resume and credentials did little to make me stand out in the sea of thousands of new college grads that wanted to work for Disney. But having a relationship -- albeit a subtle one -- with the real, live people that worked in the office, did. The position I was hired for wasn't even something that was posted on the Disney Careers site, so had I not connected with Rick, I never would have been in the running.

3) I was flexible. Was the job perfect? Heck no. I totally could have snubbed my nose at the lack of benefits or the fact that the position was short term. I could have said it was a risk I wasn't willing to take. But I didn't. I accepted the flaws of the position because the benefits greatly outweighed them, and I had the confidence in myself that I'd be able to bob and weave when the 9 months ended.

The experience that I gained in that two years proved so invaluable on so many levels. I met and worked with amazing people throughout the Disney organization. I was on the celebrity PR beat, so I have countless stories to tell about which celebrities are nice and which are not (always great for parties). I learned massive amounts about leadership, creativity, networking and relationship building, and how to manage coming into work full of energy, even when a reporter needs access to Epcot at 3am (she needed to shoot the installation of the main topiary for the Epcot International Flower & Garden Festival, and the horticulturists do this overnight when Guests aren't in the park). I'm also pretty sure that having the name "Disney" on my resume helped catapult me into HBS when I applied with less than two years of practical work experience.

The moral of this story is the very cliche, but very true, "You can do it!" mantra, because I believe you can. Everyone around me, including myself sometimes, thought that getting a job at Disney straight out of undergrad would be impossible. But as Walt said himself, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible," and I couldn't agree more.

What questions do you have for me, either about this topic or about working for Disney in general? Let me know your thoughts, comments and more below. See ya real soon!

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Do you think you might be in the wrong job? Not sure how to figure out whether it's a bad day or a bad fit? Download my FREE eBook on this topic. I'll tell you how to evaluate your circumstances in 5 easy steps, and I'll give you hints on what to do when you've got your answer.

Want to learn more about the Career Coaching services that I offer? Head on over to my website (www.gabriellebill.com) for all the deets, then drop me a note if you'd like to chat.

Do you have an amazing career story that other people just NEED to hear? I'm always looking for new folks to feature in my Center Stage series. If that's you, reach out!

*Name changed
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CENTER STAGE: SHANON IRISH OF THE MIAMI HEAT




I first met Shanon was I was a young dancer at Mrs. P's Dance & Acrobatic Studio in Boca Raton, FL -- I was maybe 10 or 11 -- and I remember being enamored with her from the very start. Shanon was the epitome of the graceful ballerina that I longed to be -- tall, slim, light on her feet -- and although we never did dance together (she was always in the more advanced classes), we struck up the sort of friendship-by-acquaintance that tends to happen when you're that age and spending a lot of time at the same dance studio.

We went to the same high school, and when Shanon went off to college and I quit dance in favor of pursuing my school's rigorous musical theatre program, I remember wondering if she'd be out there trying to hoof it as a professional ballerina. Turns out that wasn't quite Shanon's goal, but given that she's now the recipient of five Emmy's and a couple of NBA championship rings, I think it's safe to say she didn't land too far from the spotlight.

For the last 10 years, Shanon's been working as a producer and editor for the Miami Heat, and while this in and of itself is a massive accomplishment worth celebrating, it's her journey to this role that I found particularly compelling.

You see, Shanon, like many young college students, didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life. "Growing up as a dancer, I needed to be in a creative field, but I didn’t know what to do aside from dance," she says. When it came down to picking a major at Florida State University, she just sort of fell into media production. 

"I was always the person at a family event that would be filming people, so I thought I might like it," she says, while also admitting she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Fate stepped in and grabbed Shanon's hand, and she was one of just 40 students admitted to the competitive program. When she started the major, she decided to specialize in sports (it was either that or documentary filmmaking) and immediately told her parents that "one day" her dream job would be to work for ESPN. Interestingly, one day turned out to be right around the corner.

The summer after her senior year, Shanon landed a coveted internship with the company, and if you didn't already believe that destiny was shining down upon her, you'll totally be there when you hear that at the completion of her internship, she immediately applied to, and got hired for, a full-time role.

 Now none of this is meant to discount Shanon's efforts, as she most certainly worked her butt off, applied herself and sought out opportunity, but what it does illustrate is that sometimes a goal we see as an end destination turns out to be a mere stepping stone on the path to something bigger and greater -- something we can't quite envisage from our current vantage point.

And so it was that Shanon worked in her dream job for two years, editing all of ESPN's live shows (think: SportsCenter, ESPN News, Baseball Tonight), loving the experience, but also realizing more and more as time passed that something was missing. As Shanon got better and better at her job -- faster at editing, more efficient with the software -- she realized her creative progression was starting to wane. She also missed her family, who lived back in Florida, and found the crazy hours associated with live TV (her weekends were Tuesday and Wednesday, and she'd routinely work from 6:30pm to 3am) unsustainable for the long term.

So she quit. At 24 years old, she quit a full-time, paying job with benefits and moved back into her family's home without an inkling of a job prospect. 

You might be thinking, "Didn't she just claim a few years earlier that working for ESPN was her dream job? Why'd she up and quit just two years later?"

And that's the funny thing about goals, and something that (just like habits) can make them both dangerous and motivating. We set goals for ourselves such that we have something to work toward and in return, they show us when we've made progress. But then we get to the goal and what happens? We set another one, and the process begins all over again. There are very few people that set a goal, reach it and say, "Yippee. I've met my goal. Now I'll just stand here in this one place for the rest of my life and feel completely satisfied."

Then there's this other little diddy that's come up in past posts: we change. Sometimes we set goals for ourselves and we reach them only to realize that the circumstances aren't quite what we expected. Or we're missing something we didn't initially think to include in our goal. Lots of people get discouraged at this point, but the truth is 1) the goal isn't any less valid or worth celebrating because it isn't totally right and 2) there's absolutely nothing stopping you from making the tweaks you need to get yourself more squarely where you want to be.

In Shanon's case, the ESPN job was a fabulous training ground, but as we mentioned, simply a stepping stone. Less than a week into her unemployment, a colleague from ESPN hooked her up with an interview for a job at the Miami Heat, and she got it.

"You can’t orchestrate that," she says. "It was really special and fortunate. I could have been unemployed for a long time."

Shanon started as a segment producer and after 4 years was promoted to coordinating producer on a show called "Inside the Heat." It's a documentary-style, biographical show that aims to showcase the "person behind the player," and it gives Shanon the opportunity to meet and work hand-in-hand with some of the NBA's biggest superstars.

From a day-to-day standpoint, Shanon's role involves wearing many hats, from scheduling her crew to writing interview questions, assigning segment producers and getting a finished piece sent out to SunSports, the network that airs the program. "I’ve been here for 10 seasons and I’m not at that place yet where I’ve done everything," she says. "Every year, every season things are different. There are new guys, new stories to tell. It keeps it really fresh and exciting."

And then there are those Emmy's. In a line of work where your contribution isn't typically recognized, Shanon's one of the lucky few to not only have won five Emmy's for her work, but also two gorgeous championship rings bestowed upon her by the owner of the team. ("They come in a cool sparkly box," she quips.)

Yet none of this was in Shanon's plan, nor something she could have predicted. And it's taught her to approach the future in a totally different way.

"Sometimes I think I should have crazy, big dreams, but to be honest with you I’m very happy where I am," she says. "I get to be doing a job that I love for a team that I love, and I’m still challenged. Maybe I’ll be here the rest of my life, I have no idea. For the time being, I’m very very happy."

Thinking about pursuing a career in the video production field? Here are Shanon's top three tips for success: 

1) If you want to work in a creative field, you have to get used to taking critique. "Sometimes your vision doesn’t come across and your boss or the executive producer might have another vision," she says. "Take a step back and see it their way. It might be a better way."

2) Get experience at ALL aspects of video production. "Learn all the positions, understand the field and what happens in it. It’ll make you better at the specialization you want to pursue. If you only know how to do one thing, but the person next to you knows five other things, they're going to get the job."

3) Don't feel discouraged if your dream job isn't rainbows and unicorns 100% of the time. "There are always going to be parts that are hard and frustrating. There’s nothing out there that’s perfect. It is possible to understand what gets you excited about going to work, the things that you love to do, and then work as hard as you can to get to that point and set yourself up for that opportunity. It’s also about seeing the opportunities in front of you and taking them. If you’re in a job that you don’t love, try and figure out what that job is teaching you. What can you take away from that job? What’s valuable that can be a part of your next step? Find those things that are making you a better person at what you ultimately want to do."

 If you're interested in learning more about Shanon or have additional questions for her, feel free to send her an email at sirish190@yahoo.com, or leave your thoughts in the comments section below. Til next time...
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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
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COME ON, GET HAPPY!



Drop what you're doing right now and go read Shawn Achor's book, The Happiness Advantage.

 Ok, just kidding, read this blog post first and then go buy his book. It'll make you happier and more inspired, just in the reading. I promise.

In the process of becoming a full-time career coach, I've become more and more interested in psychology (although truth be told, I've been interested in the subject since Mrs. DiRenzo's AP Psychology class my senior year of high school). And while therapy (what most people think of when they think of psychology careers) and coaching are two very different fields, both lines of work exist thanks to people's interest in, and people's need for help sorting through, the myriad of thoughts running through their brains.

It's the power of the brain, along with our ability to control our destiny through shifts in thought, that serves as the central theme of Shawn's book. And this is not just a man making empty statements about how we can all be happier; rather, it's him retelling one interesting study after another that proves we're in significantly greater control of our emotions and realities than we might imagine. (In case you're wondering, the book is also really well written. No stuffy, science-y gobbledygook in here; just conversational writing that'll make you feel like you actually know Shawn.)

In the book, he walks you through his "7 principles" to achieving greater happiness, and because I want you to actually read it, I'm not going to spoil the surprise. I'll tell you this much: each of them rests on the foundational beliefs that 1) happiness is the precursor to success, not the other way around and 2) old dogs, new dogs, big dogs and small dogs can all learn new tricks (or stated more intelligently, thanks to neuroplasticity, you can indeed rewire you brain).

These things spoke to me because they mirror the core mantras of my coaching business -- that you're going to be significantly more successful in your job if it makes you feel fulfilled AND that finding your dream job is possible, primarily because we all define "happiness" in a way that's unique to us (versus some arbitrary standard of what makes a job good).

But even beyond my business, these principles actually changed my mindset and physical sensations as I was reading the book.

Let's get personal for a minute: I've had a rough couple of weeks. Some things in my personal life haven't gone as planned, and I've come up against some challenges in my business that have left me feeling discouraged. Sad as I am to admit it, I've become a bit of a sourpuss, and as much as I hate it, I've been stuck in a rut that I couldn't pull myself out of.

It's not as though reading this book has made my problems go away, but it has re-focused my thinking patterns and reminded me that I'm in control of how I view my situation. Even beyond that, it's reminded me that I'm in control of changing my situation. With each chapter I read, I felt a little better about myself, a little more positive about the future and a little more inspired to get my head back in the game. I even took six pages of handwritten notes, not only of some amazing concepts I want to remember, but also some practical tips I'm going to get started on this evening (like spending the last 10 minutes before bed writing down all of the good things that happened that day).

Before I leave you, I want to share four more "wow" takeaways from the book. And then seriously. Buy it. Read it. Love it.

Ok, here we go:

1) Have you heard of the concept of inattentional blindness? I just watched a DNews YouTube video on this so it was funny to stumble upon it in the book, but it's essentially the concept that we see what we look for and miss the rest. That said, when our attention is drawn to what we missed, we can easily spot it. How does this translate into happiness? If you're consistently focused on looking for the negatives or spotting problems, you're going to find them, even if there are also a lot of great things in the midst. But if you shift your focus to consciously search for good things, you'll start to see those too.

2) Our brain uses invented "counterfacts" to help us evaluate and make sense of scenarios. And since we are making these up, we can consciously choose to evaluate a situation through a positive lens. The example Shawn uses is this: imagine you are one of 50 people in a bank, the bank gets robbed and you are shot in the arm, but everyone else is unharmed. Do you feel lucky or unlucky? Some people responded saying, "What's lucky about being shot?" or "Why was I shot instead of one of the other 49 people?" Others said, "I'm so fortunate I was shot in the arm and not somewhere lethal," or "Thank goodness I was the only one that was hurt, the damage could have been so much worse!" It's all in your perspective!

3) ANYONE can achieve greater happiness in any area of their life...if they start small. Sure, if someone walked in today and told you they could wave a magic wand and make all your troubles go away you wouldn't believe them (and rightly so). But what if someone walked in and asked you to fix this one, tiny problem that was simple and within reach. "Sure," you'd say, "that I can manage." If you break up a task and focus on tiny, incremental changes, small successes will start to add up to big wins over time.

4) I think this quote is my favorite from the entire book: "When we encounter an unexpected challenge or threat, the only way to save ourselves is to hold on tight to the people around us and not let go." Social support systems -- whether they're friends, colleagues, family or spouses -- are integral to us succeeding. Even Thomas Edison, the single man credited with inventing the light bulb, worked with a team of more than 30 assistants! We are not designed to go at this life alone, so hold on to those friendships and loved ones, ESPECIALLY when the going gets tough.

One more -- a bonus! Don't forget, a smile is (scientifically!) contagious, so do it as frequently as you can in the presence of others. You'll make yourself happier AND you'll spread happiness in the process.

With that, go forth and find your happiness. I believe in you and your potential (and Shawn and science do too).

Have you read The Happiness Advantage? If so, what was your favorite principle and/or how has it changed your life? I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below.


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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 

 *Note: If you choose to purchase any of the products mentioned using the affiliate links in this post, a small portion of the sale goes to support Career & The City at no additional cost to you. There's never any obligation to buy, but if you do, you're supporting the free resources offered here. Thank you!
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THE ANGELS & DEMONS OF HABIT FORMATION



Habits are all the rage right now. Authors are writing about them, people are singing their praises and there's massive conversation around their power in life. I'm not here to critique this concept entirely, because I too believe in the power of habits, but a conversation I had this morning with a coaching colleague helped me realize there's another side to this habit story that isn't as widely discussed.

Before we get there, let's start with some background.

A few months ago as I was preparing to launch my full-time coaching business, I read Gretchen Rubin's book on habits called "Better than Before." I loved it, and in fact, I took copious notes and started becoming fundamentally more aware of the habits I had created, the habits I wanted to create and the strategies I could use to build them. I realized that because I place my daily medications and supplements next to my coffee maker that I never forget to take my pills. I used, as Gretchen would call it, the strategy of pairing. I also realized that if I track my time over the course of a day, I can more thoroughly evaluate how I'm spending my hours, and once again thanks to Gretchen's strategy of "monitoring," I can check in and see if my actions line up with my values.

You see, the power of habits is activated by their ability to remove your need to make a decision. You don't think, you just do. And that means your brain no longer needs to process the task, leaving that extra mental energy to be applied in another area of your life.

On the up side, habits can help you achieve any number of goals you set out for yourself, but they can also be dangerous guardrails that end up confining you to decisions you made at a single point in time. And that's what really got me thinking. 

What happens when we've created a habit for ourselves and stuck to it so religiously that the habit actually begins to get in the way of us welcoming a new experience, understanding a different perspective or pushing our boundaries to achieve growth?

The coaching colleague that I mentioned earlier talked about how her ears always perk up when she's working with a client and they start throwing around the words "always" and "never." They say things like, "I always research options before I make a decision," or "I never buy this product at the grocery store." 

On their own, these may seem harmless or like words we've haphazardly selected to describe a tendency, but I believe that, even if it's sub-conscious, the words we use reveal a lot about how we're truly feeling, thinking about or evaluating a situation around us. 

That's when it clicked for me -- in many ways you could say that "habit" and "rule" are synonymous. Sure, habits are typically behaviors we choose to engage in, whereas rules are often placed upon us by others, but over time, I think the line between the two can become increasingly blurred.

If you always arrive at work at 8am because you want to cultivate the habit of having a silent hour before your colleagues arrive, does this arrival time become a rule after a while? Do people become accustomed to your early arrival, perhaps try to schedule you for early meetings or question why you're not around at your typical time?

Maybe you've always worked in large corporations because you value the brand names on your resume. Maybe you've never considered working for a non-profit because you've assumed you couldn't make a decent income. Perhaps you've created a habit of coming home after work and logging on for a few hours at night to churn through emails. 

I'm not actually placing judgment on any of these things, rather I'm using them as examples of habits you might create for yourself in the moment, but that later -- whether that's tomorrow or ten years from now -- may transform into rules that no longer serve you. The problem here is that the vast majority of us never take the time to sit down and ask ourselves if our rules or habits still make sense because we don't even notice them anymore.

One of the exercises I work on with my clients is called the Rule Book, and it involves sitting down and writing out all of the "rules" you've created for yourself. You're then required to look at each rule carefully and decide if it's something you still want to follow (note: this is different from a rule you SHOULD follow because someone else told you to). If you still feel good about a particular rule, great. But if something about it irks you, it's time to re-write it so it fits your current state of mind.

Maybe getting to work at 8am was a habit that helped you accomplish a task in your job five years ago. But now that you've got young children at home, this habit actually makes it hard for you to take them to school in the morning. Or maybe your new boss is much more of a night owl, so your early morning habit makes communication challenging. Perhaps there's a totally new position that would require you to work afternoon hours, but because you always get to work at 8am, you close yourself off to exploring that possibility.

I'm not saying that we should stop developing habits, because I still believe they're powerful change agents, but rather I'm pressing you to not allow habits to funnel you into a world of black and white, where everything is always or never done a certain way because that's just how I do things. Sometimes breaking a habit, or re-evaluating whether one still continues to serve you, can actually be the key to unlocking powerful revelations and new opportunities in your life and career.

Chew on that one for a minute, then let me know your thoughts in the comments below!


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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 

 *Note: If you choose to purchase any of the products mentioned using the affiliate links in this post, a small portion of the sale goes to support Career & The City at no additional cost to you. There's never any obligation to buy, but if you do, you're supporting the free resources offered here. Thank you!
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THE POWER OF COURAGE




This morning a friend of mine posted a graphic with this quote on Facebook, and I immediately fell in love with it. It probably won't surprise you when I say I'm a firm believer in taking risks and pushing yourself to do things that scare you. Now, it's never fun in the immediate term, but when I look back on my life, the things that have had the greatest impact were moments where I pushed myself to be brave and take a chance. When I liked / commented on / shared this Facebook post this morning, I had no idea that only a few hours later a friend of mine would have an encounter that would bring this very quote into sharp relief.

I've talked about my friend Tausha before (in this post on rolling with the punches and not "planning" your career), and frankly I'll probably talk about her a lot more in the future, a) because she's one of my best friends and b) because she's just freaking amazing and I admire her a lot. The low-down with Tausha is that she's an internal communications professional by day and an avid traveler and travel blogger by night/weekend/holiday. She's visited more than 30 countries, and yes I am jealous.

On this very night, Tausha found herself at the New York Times Travel Show in NYC. As she was wandering the show floor with a friend, she spotted her childhood travel idol, Samantha Brown, and immediately started fangirling. 

Naturally, when you spot a famous person or someone you've idolized for a while, the tendency is to get a bit nervous and clam up. I know when I admire someone or have built them up in my mind, I lose my ability to engage in conversation, and clear thinking immediately goes out the window. With this in mind, I wasn't surprised to hear that, while Tausha was brave enough to approach Samantha and say hello, her adrenaline-infused encounter caused her to get in and get out without maximizing the opportunity.

This is when Tausha texted me and here's how our conversation went:

Tausha: I just met Samantha Brown!

Gabby: OMG, isn't she the best? (Editor's note: I had met her a few times while working at Disney)

Tausha: I kind of didn't have much to say because I'm lame. I introduced myself and said how much I loved watching her growing up. Then I mentioned her new show and that was it.

Gabby: Brave girl! Good for you!

Tausha: Well I kind of hung around like a stalker until she had to acknowledge me, but then I had nothing to say. 

Gabby: Ahh, you should get business cards for your blog so in situations like this you could have handed her one and been like, check out my blog lady!

Tausha: The things is I do. I just blanked. I have business cards in my purse. But if I see her again...

Gabby: I was just typing that! I mean, maybe she'll check it out and tweet about it and BAM! Globe Getter TV show. 

Tausha: I wanted to say hi, but I didn't want to appear like I was after something. Boo I messed up.

Before we continue, let's dissect this situation just a bit more. First of all, despite feeling like she "messed up," Tausha already did what many people in her situation would not. She worked up the courage to place herself in the path of a person she wanted to talk to -- and someone she actively looked up to, at that -- and made a point of introducing herself and showcasing that she was familiar with things happening in that person's life. 

The missing puzzle piece here is that Tausha left the conversation before allowing it to develop into a "so what?" By that I mean, particularly at a networking event, people expect you to come up and talk to them. And taking that a step further, they also expect that you'll be coming up to talk to them for a specific reason. 

I think a lot of us feel uncomfortable with networking, because we view it as a supposedly one-sided interaction, i.e. I want to meet you / talk to you / get to know you, because you have something of value to give me. But the truth is that all relationships are two-sided, and if we can actively remember all of the things WE have to offer in return, all of a sudden it becomes an interaction based on mutual gain. This notion gives us way more confidence in approaching someone we'd like to get to know, and this is when the real magic of networking happens.

In this case, Tausha and I continued our text conversation, and after some prompting, she realized that she had two paths forward for the remainder of the night. Path #1 would be leaving the travel show and looking back on the opportunity, wishing she had handled it differently (this was the easier choice, by the way). Path #2 involved actively looking to re-write her story and leave the event feeling proud of herself and the outcome she created.

I bet you can guess which path Tausha chose.

Over the next half hour, Tausha was strategic and resourceful in her approach, unlike her first emotion-fueled attempt. Thinking Sam might be hanging out in the speakers lounge, she found a way to position herself nearby, and when she saw Samantha leave the room and start packing her purse, she swooped in. 

"When I saw her, I started to get nervous and I started sweating, and I thought, I can't go up to her while I'm all sweaty," Tausha says. "But then I thought I could walk away, or I could just get this done. And I got it done."

Tausha gently re-approached Samantha, reintroduced herself and with her nervousness in check, gave the speech she wished she'd given the first time. She told Sam all about how she inspired her to start a travel blog, that the premise was around keeping your full-time job and still being able to travel the world, and that she had really hoped to give Samantha her business card.

This simple gesture turned into a 5-minute conversation that Samantha instigated about the Philippines - a destination Tausha had just returned from, but that Samantha had never visited: case in point of Tausha offering value back to Sam. This conversation resulted in the two of them walking to the exit together as Sam went to get in her car and leave, and before she departed, she gave Tausha a warm goodbye, saying she hoped to "see her around" in the future.

"I’m so glad that I went back and looked for her and didn’t just think, I should have done this," Tausha says. "If it leads to something great, if it doesn’t fine, but at least I did it."

If approaching Samantha Brown was difficult for Tausha the first time, approaching her again was probably twice as hard. But she found stores of courage, and it all worked out -- in fact, it went better than she could have imagined. Now Tausha has the opportunity to follow up with Samantha, send her a pointed Tweet and see what happens. If they happen to be at an event together in the future, Tausha can reference their chat about the Philippines and maybe, just maybe, Samantha will remember her. If we're just going off their first conversation, I can guarantee you Tausha never would have made a mark on Sam's memory.

The moral of this story is two-fold. Firstly, each of us has to spend some time re-wiring our brain about networking. We need to remember that each of us has something unique and special about us, and that there's always some aspect of value we can offer to the person we're engaging. Networking is about building relationships, and you build relationships by simultaneously giving of yourself AND receiving from the other person.

Secondly, most of the time, being brave results in good things. Can I guarantee that courage will always get you a positive result? Of course not. But even in Tausha's example, worst case scenario Samantha would have blown her off or showed some annoyance at her persistence. And if that had happened, Tausha probably would have realized that Samantha Brown wasn't the kind of person she wanted to idolize going forward. 

And then her life would have gone on, no harm, no foul. We often blow the consequences of these things out of proportion to such an extent that we convince ourselves that trying isn't even worth it. Not the case.

Going to sleep tonight, I'm proud of Tausha, and I know she's proud of herself. And who knows? Maybe Sam will check out her blog and she'll wake up to an invitation from her newfound friend to join her for coffee. Only time will tell!

Your turn! How do you approach networking? Have you ever been in a situation where you wished you'd handled yourself differently? What did you take away from that moment as a lesson for the future? Share your thoughts and comments below!

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Gabrielle "Gabby" Bill is a career coach and consultant who believes everyone should be working in a job that leaves them feeling fulfilled. She coaches groups and individuals through a reflection process, uncovering often hidden motivations, values, goals and skills as they relate to their career. These reflections are then parlayed into concrete action plans to guide clients through the process of finding, creating and landing their dream jobs. You can learn more about her services by visiting www.gabriellebill.com. 
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