NEED VS. WANT VS. ...NEITHER?

Tuesday, February 23, 2016 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

Need versus want. Sounds simple enough, right? I need food to live. I want ice cream for dinner. I need a roof over my head. I want to live in a penthouse apartment. But do I need camaraderie at work or do I want it? Do I need a supportive, team-based work environment or do I want one? Conversely, do I neither need nor want either of these things and actually prefer to work alone? Somehow when you start to think about needs versus wants in the context of your career, things become a bit...well, blurry.

When I was working for Capital One, there was a 2-week period where all of the Associates on our floor had to work from home -- they were doing renovations around our office, including replacing all of our furniture. When I learned about this, I was horrified. I already felt lonely enough when I was home in the evenings -- if I had to be home all day too, surely I'd shrivel up and die! I couldn't imagine what it would be like to only have conversations with my co-workers via phone, to be trapped within the four walls of my tiny apartment and to not have my morning ritual of radio / podcast listening on my commute. But I had no choice. This was how it was going to be, and I'd survive. It was just two weeks.

And then something strange happened. I woke up at 7:30am on Day 1 of the work from home cycle (versus my normal 6am wakeup-call). I ate a leisurely breakfast and stayed in my pajamas all day. I got a ton of work done -- more than usual -- and when the work day ended, I was so full of energy that I left the house to go to a workout class. I came home, slept better than I had in months and felt rested for Day 2.

As the days ticked by, I actually found that I really loved this arrangement and was significantly more productive than I'd been before. I didn't feel disconnected from my co-workers, because I still spoke to them daily, if not via phone then via IM or even get-togethers after work for dinner or a drink. I had significantly more energy throughout the work day, and this dribbled into my social life, which meant I was having positive human interactions that further fueled my good mood.

After the 2-week period ended, I realized just how much happier I had become. But had you asked me if I'd preferred to work from home prior to testing it out, I would have answered with an adamant no.

This was a surprising finding. I had been SO sure that I needed a work environment full of other people. And I didn't just need it, but I wanted it, too. Sure, I sometimes felt annoyed by the open floor plan at work, or got distracted by my co-workers' antics, but I loved taking laps around the office with my friend Melanie and I loved afternoon trips to Starbucks or lunches out with my co-workers. So why was I suddenly so much more fulfilled in the absence of all of these things?

That's the trickiest part of this equation -- the "knowing thyself" bit -- because this episode taught me that maybe I didn't know myself as well as I had thought. Maybe I had been trained to believe that a bustling work environment was great. Maybe I used to need it, even. But something inside of me had changed, and I never would have experienced the fruitful results had I not been forced to try something new.

The story doesn't end here, because my discovery brought me back to the initial question of this post. Did I need to work from home or did I want to work from home? And was I supposed to judge the emotion differently based on which descriptor I assigned?

When the construction at our office was complete, I obviously returned with the rest of my crew. But something immediately felt different. I was more tense than I'd been before. I sat with my headphones on with increased frequency, and I'd book conference rooms for hours to sit in and do my work. Suddenly, it was as though my body needed the silence and solace of my own company to produce my best work.

And that's when it hit me. For me, working from a quiet, solitary space had become a new need. I understood this because I was doing everything in my power to re-create the work environment in which I was producing to my best ability. Once I had discovered how productive I could be in a solitary space, it was hard to turn off this new way of behaving.

But listening to my new need felt wrong! In my mind, I was equating my need with "eating ice cream for dinner," i.e. I thought of it more as a want. And naturally, we are often trained to believe that wants are things you can easily compromise on in the workplace.

This line of thinking is troubling in many ways.

Firstly, I needed to work through my own inability to distinguish between my wants and needs, and here's what I came up with. A need is something that supports my ability to produce great work, as required by the job. In this example, I needed more alone time than I thought. A want is something that, when added to the need, allows me to go above and beyond expectations but that, in the absence of, I could still survive. So, I want to be able to wake up every morning without an alarm clock, and I've built a career around this want to-date, but if I did have to start setting my alarm each day, I wouldn't be significantly worse off.

Secondly, I needed to get comfortable with the idea that my needs and wants mattered in the workplace. I feel comfortable expressing my needs in friendships and other personal relationships. I feel comfortable expressing my needs in business transactions. So why was I conditioned to believe that at work it was all about sacrifice? This one was much harder than step one, and it's something I've only recently become comfortable with.

I got there through a few tactics:

1) I kept a journal. When I had a great moment, I analyzed it and tried to figure out its root cause. What made me so happy? When I figured it out, I added it to the need or want list. Conversely, when something made me really UNhappy, I analyzed that too and figured out whether it was in direct conflict with a need or want.

2) I found small ways to remind myself of my own importance at work, and made small changes to make it more apparent, both to myself and others. I worked from home once a week regularly to ensure I had adequate time for focus. I spoke up when I needed more time to complete a last-minute assignment. As I got more comfortable, I continued to up the ante.

3) I started talking to myself. I swear I'm not crazy. But it helped to repeat the mantra that I mattered. It helped to read inspirational quotes and stories. It helped to interact with people who were recognizing their own wants and needs, and pursuing them, because it reminded me of how much self-care was a necessity for me. Over time, the ideas took deeper root, although I still find myself repeating these things when I have down moments.

Getting comfortable with the idea that you CAN and SHOULD count in your career, and that it's OK to pursue things that actually make you happy, takes a while. But it makes a dramatic difference once you get there.

Now it's your turn. Do you have trouble distinguishing between your wants and needs at work? How do you make sure that you make decisions that are in line with your own values? How often do you check in with yourself to make sure that your wants and needs have stayed the same? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this complex topic in the comments section below!

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Do you think you might be in the wrong job? Not sure how to figure out whether it's a bad day or a bad fit? Download my FREE eBook on this topic. I'll tell you how to evaluate your circumstances in 5 easy steps, and I'll give you hints on what to do when you've got your answer.

Want to learn more about the Career Coaching services that I offer? Head on over to my website (www.gabriellebill.com) for all the deets, then drop me a note if you'd like to chat.

Do you have an amazing career story that other people just NEED to hear? I'm always looking for new folks to feature in my Center Stage series. If that's you, reach out!

A LOVE NOTE TO P.S. & CO (OR HOW CUSTOMER SERVICE HELPS YOU WIN)

Monday, February 08, 2016 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

This love note comes just in time for Valentine's Day and also gives me the perfect opportunity to write a post that pertains to the "& City" part of this blog's name, which I've thus far neglected.

As you may or may not know (if you know me in real life you probably do), I've just wrapped up Day 18 of the Whole 30.

What is the Whole 30 you might ask? It's basically a digestive reset where you don't eat any legumes, dairy, grains, sugar or alcohol for 30 days. It sounds painful, but it's mostly not that bad (although I will admit that I just got done watching a movie where they drank hot chocolate and ate chocolate chip pancakes, and I spent more time than is normal thinking about how much I wanted both).

What is difficult is eating out, because there are all these crazy restrictions, like no vanilla extract and no seed oils or soy (a legume), and sugar basically hides in everything, so you have to ask lots of questions and be that annoying person no one wants to be. That or order lettuce (which I've done) with plain olive oil (yup) and black coffee (gross).

So this evening my amazing friend Bekah invited me to said movie screening referenced earlier (oh yeah, she's doing Whole 30, too), and we planned specifically to eat at this create-your-own-salad place called Honeygrow, because we could hand-pick our ingredients to stay compliant.

Only, when we got to Honeygrow, it was inexplicably closed for temporary refurbishments. Shit. When you're on this plan, you can't exactly just pop over to the pizza shop next door or grab Chinese takeout.

Thankfully, my other amazing friend Jillian is a Whole 30 / paleo / Cross-fit pro and she just so happened to write this blog post about Whole 30 friendly Philly restaurants. I Googled and saw that P.S. & Co, a vegan, gluten-free joint just a few blocks away, was on the list. So away we went.

When we showed up at P.S. & Co, unfortunately there weren't as many options as we had hoped. Things had quinoa or chickpea croutons or vanilla extract or rice. Obvious staples for vegans who are GF, but non-compliant for us.

The owner -- Andrea -- could have very easily just waved us on our way and said good luck. But instead, she stepped out from behind the counter and meticulously reviewed the ingredients of every single item with me, checking to see what might work for our crazy diets. We finally located an eggplant burger that didn't break the rules (minus the GF bun it comes on), and then an idea struck me. I could throw that burger on top of their kale Caesar salad, minus the chickpea croutons and dressing (all that was left was kale, cabbage and mushrooms) and voila! A meal!

But then Andrea went above and beyond. She took the salads to the back, chopped up the burgers and mixed them in, then tossed the salads in oil and vinegar for us, even adding a squeeze of lemon and a little bit of salt and pepper for flavor!

When Bekah and I sat down in the theatre to chow down, we were literally moaning and groaning with how delicious everything tasted, and we both admitted that the meal was one of the best we'd had in days. It was hearty. It was sweet. It was savory. It hit the spot and left us happy girls.

I want to say a big THANK YOU to Andrea and to P.S. & Co for your help in taking our challenging eating evening and turning it into something scrumptious that we both really enjoyed. The kind of customer service that we received, where we made a real human connection and saw someone bending over backwards to help suit our unique needs, really is rare and deserves applause. I can guarantee I'll be returning after my Whole 30 concludes to sample their banana bread and french bread pizza (because a girl can't exist without sugar and grains forever).

Before I sign off, let's take one quick minute to relate this back to careers (I'm sorry, I have to).

Tonight's episode showed me just how much strong customer service wins. Andrea won not only my appreciation, but my return business and (obviously) my word of mouth, which hopefully brings in even more business for her. But providing good service isn't something that happens only in retail or restaurant industries. In truth, you can provide strong customer service in ANY job at ANY time.

Start by asking yourself who the customer is that you serve in your business, industry or role. Maybe it is an actual customer that you interact with everyday or maybe it's a customer you serve indirectly. If you really can't think about a customer you service, look at the people around you in your office. Can you provide strong service to your boss by reaching across the table and helping make their work easier? Can you serve your direct reports by guiding them, while giving them the room to grow? In what ways can you go above and beyond to show people that you care about them?

Oftentimes we get so wrapped up in our own career progress or success that we forget that our purpose goes well beyond ourselves. We forget that many of our greatest moments, and times when our impact is most far-reaching, are actually borne out of the service that we deliver to others.

I'll leave you to chew on that for a while (then tell me what you think in the comments section below). As for me? I'm going to go chew on a Whole 30 compliant snack. 13 more days.

HOW I GOT MY FIRST JOB AT DISNEY

Wednesday, February 03, 2016 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

My mom took me to Walt Disney World for the first time when I was 4 years old. You know, the typical rite-of-passage trip that most parents, especially those raising their children in south Florida, aim to take before their kids stop believing Cinderella's a real princess? We went back when I was 5, because heck, little Gabby asked for it, and then we went back when I was 6, because I asked to go again. Those first few visits are blurry for me, save for the fantastic late 80s pictures that stand as evidence, but one thing was clear: I was hooked.

As soon as I learned how to memorize a phone number from a  TV commercial and dial it without help from mom, I was ordering those free Disney vacation planning VHS tapes, and whenever I'd feel sad or lonely, I'd pop in one of the tapes and the beautiful colors, magical melodies and smiling faces would make me feel better. I became one of those people I'm sure Disney marketing hates, because I ordered a tape every single year of my childhood (and I kept ordering once they transitioned to DVDs, so you can see how long this went on).

Year after year, I'd beg my mother to take me back to Disney. As I got older, she kept trying to convince me to visit other destinations in Florida -- Naples, Sanibel Island, St. Augustine -- but I wasn't interested in anything except my yearly visit to Mickey's house. I mean, how else was I going to try out all the new rides, see the new parades and eat the latest delicacies?

And so we went, and each time I'd enter the gates of one of the theme parks, a rush of happiness would come over me. Even today, I can't help but feel the stirrings of butterflies in my stomach when I enter the Magic Kingdom, smell that delicious, manufactured, warm cookies smell and hear the refrains of my favorite old-timey music. Disney is my happy place, and I don't think any distance, nor span of time, could refute that (in fact, they are probably the one company that could lure me back into the corporate world).

I give you this background because I want to illustrate just how passionate I've been about the Disney brand throughout my life, and to help underscore just how badly I wanted to work for the company when I graduated from college.

I had thought about applying for one of Disney's coveted internship roles (they offer standard internships where you work in the parks [although there's lots of education-related perks that come with this] and advanced professional internships where you're working in an office role), but the semester I started college they changed the program to such that you had to take a semester off of school to participate (rather than just interning in the summer). As someone on scholarship with financial constraints, this wasn't in the cards for me, so I sadly had to pass.

But once I got that diploma and threw my graduation cap into the air, I knew the hunt was on. I bookmarked the Disney Careers website, and every day I was on the computer submitting my resume for a variety of roles. I had majored in journalism, but was applying for all kinds of jobs in communications and marketing -- promotions, advertising, digital marketing, sponsorships, corporate alliances, etc.

Now let me brag for just a moment (I hate doing this, but it helps the story). I graduated from the University of Florida, which at the time was considered the best public university in the state, with a 4.0 GPA and as a valedictorian of my college. I had won numerous awards throughout my tenure, had a resume chock full of extracurricular activities and had completed two internships, one at a big brand name company (Motorola). I even had a gaggle of recommendation letters I could send people, published clips that showcased my writing skills and a local Florida address (which can sometimes help). There was little that I could have done to make my new graduate resume stronger, and yet...crickets.

That summer I submitted my resume to more than 200 jobs on the Disney Careers website, and the only thing I ever received in response was an automated email confirming my application had been received. The positions I was applying for were things I was clearly qualified for -- entry level jobs, or jobs asking for a year's work experience, which I assumed was flexible. Jobs asking for communications degrees, strong writing skills, a willingness to learn. And I was applying for things in LOTS of different departments, so I assumed that even if one didn't like me for some reason, surely I'd break through the clutter with another.

But nope. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I literally never heard anything from the company.

I went through the motions of applying for other jobs in my hometown, but one after the next I just hated what I was being offered. A telemarketing firm wanted to hire me for their call center. I hated talking to people on the phone. A local construction company wanted me to come in and do their marketing. I was bored just thinking about it. I finally wound up taking a part-time program associate role at one of the non-profits that had given me a college scholarship, simply to bring in a little money and get my mom off my back (by now I had turned down five full-time jobs offers, and I'm pretty sure she was ready for me to get out of the house).

I was bummed that I wasn't breaking through at Disney, because really and truly I knew it was where I was meant to be. Instead of quitting, I decided to take a different tack and find some other way to get my foot in the door. Oh, and I also set myself a time limit (I think it was four more months of searching before I swore I'd move on).

Now, I said that I decided to take a different tack, but if I'm being honest, I didn't really know what that tack was going to be, just that I knew what I was doing wasn't working. I started keeping my eyes open for ideas, and lo and behold, a few days later I received an issue of the Communigator in the mail (this was the alumni publication for UF's College of Journalism). As I was flipping through and reading an article here or there I saw that they had done a profile on a woman named Mary* who was a Director of Creative for Disney marketing. My heart started to pound a little, and the spark of an idea popped into my mind.

I grabbed the issue, went to my computer and penned a note to the Dean of my college (I had built a relationship with him during my tenure at UF, so I knew he'd know who I was). I told him I had just read Mary's profile and that I really wanted to work for Disney -- would he give me her contact information, pretty please? Within a day or two he responded with her phone number -- HER PHONE NUMBER -- I had been expecting an email address at the most! Now it was time to prepare for action.

Armed with that key piece of information, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and practiced my speech (thanks Mrs. Hasko for the excellent drama instruction that helped with this exercise). A few days later, my heart running quick as a race horse, I dialed her number. She answered.

"Hi Mary! My name is Gabby, and you don't know me, but I saw your profile in the Communigator, and I wanted to reach out to you. I'm a graduate of the College of Journalism too, and I really want to work for Disney. I was wondering if you'd help me?"

Granted, I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along those lines, and miraculously, here's what she said back to me:

"Sure. I think you're very brave to reach out to me like this, and I don't get contacted by UF alums very often, so I'd be happy to talk with you."

We set up a time to chat via phone, and I think she gave me about 30 minutes for the conversation. She shared great inside information on the culture at Disney and her background, but then the conversation ended, and no, I didn't walk away with a job in hand. I knew I needed to keep the relationship going, so I emailed Mary a few times, sending her an interesting article or giving her an update on my job search. Sometimes she'd respond, sometimes she didn't. I was hitting another dead end.

So I lied. Mary, if you're reading this cover your ears! But it's true. I knew this email/phone communication wasn't getting me where I needed to go, so I told Mary I was going to be in the Orlando area that week (not true), and could I come by the office and meet her in person? "Sure!" she said. She was happy to meet with me, and she'd introduce me to some of her colleagues on the floor.

I packed my bags, drove up to Orlando (about a 3.5 hour drive from my hometown), stayed with a friend who lived an hour away from the offices and got up at the crack of dawn to make my way over.

Standing there in front of the brightly colored building in the Stepford-Wives-like town of Celebration, I knew this was right, and I also knew every step I was taking was getting me inches closer to my dream.

Mary and I had a nice, 30-minute meeting and then, making good on her promise, she introduced me to four of her colleagues on the floor -- a couple that were in the promotions department, a man in the public relations department and a fourth that I can't even remember anymore. I came prepared with beautifully printed resumes on thick paper and my custom-designed business cards, and I handed them out like a boss, grabbing a business card in return from each person I met. I was there for maybe 60 minutes before I was being ushered out the door, and once more, it's not as though I left with a job (or even any prospective jobs) in hand.

From there, I became the squeaky wheel. Looking back on my behavior now, I likely wouldn't recommend a tactic quite to this level, but if my memory serves me correctly, I emailed every one of those contacts every two weeks for two months. I'd send them updates, ask them questions, share articles...all the typical things one does to build relationships. And each time I'd close asking if they knew of any open entry-level positions on their team or on the floor.

At the tail end of that two months, and with just a few weeks left in the timeframe I had set for myself, Rick, the public relations director I had met, responded. He had a PR consultant/contractor position that was coming available in the next few weeks. It was a 9-month contract with no benefits, and once the 9 months was up, I'd be out the door. Oh, and he was telling me about this, but really he didn't think I could handle it, because it was an in-the-trenches job that was demanding and typically required a little more experience.

There's nothing that motivates me more than being told by someone else that they don't think I can do something. I can't quite explain it, but somehow it activates in me a ridiculous desire to prove that person wrong. I emailed Rick back, explaining that I certainly could do the job, that I was willing to prove it to him and then asked when he'd like to interview me for it (damn, I was gutsy!).

We started with a phone interview, then he asked me to come in to shadow the woman who was currently in the job, and I remember the day like it was yesterday. Our task was to manage two photoshoots with Broadway star, John Tartaglia (the original Princeton from Avenue Q, among other things). He was leading a new Disney Channel series called Johnny & the Sprites and was doing a special show at the (then) Disney-MGM Studios. We were to supervise the photographer during the shoot of the show, then run the photoshoot that would have John and his puppets posing in front of the (then) signature icon of the park, Mickey's sorcerer's hat. I had to work really hard to control my fangirling when John walked up, because as a Broadway devotee, I was intimately familiar with him, his music and every lyric to the Avenue Q soundtrack. Watching the magic unfold was fascinating to me. I soaked it up and was still on my high when we returned to the offices, sorted through the selects from the photographer, picked the image we'd syndicate to our PR contacts and drafted things like the caption and pitch email.

This job was fantastic, and I knew it needed to be mine.

Two weeks, a number of follow-up emails and a bit more convincing on my part later, and I was at the car wash when I got the call from Rick that they wanted to hire me. No joke guys, I about shit my pants from pure happiness. It didn't matter that I had two weeks to move to Orlando to start this job. It didn't matter that I'd have no health care, no retirement savings plan, no free tickets to get into the parks. All that mattered was that I was going to be working for Disney, I'd be in that office every day and I'd have a full 6 months to make connections and ensure I was able to stay longer.

October 16, 2006 was my first day on the job.

There are so many more things I could tell you about my experience working at Disney, and at some point, I'll write more about how I did indeed turn that 9-month position into nearly two years at the company (before I voluntarily left to get my MBA), but today's story was about getting that first job, and it's already a doozy of a blog post. That said, before I leave you, I want to underscore a few points inherent to this story that I think are repeatable for others looking to get a very specific job:

1) I was persistent. Some might argue foolishly so, but I set a goal for myself, and I was relentless in pursuing it. I didn't let setbacks get in my way or make me give up. I was laser focused, and I looked for other avenues and opportunities to get to my end target when certain paths proved futile.

2) I used the power of people. My stellar resume and credentials did little to make me stand out in the sea of thousands of new college grads that wanted to work for Disney. But having a relationship -- albeit a subtle one -- with the real, live people that worked in the office, did. The position I was hired for wasn't even something that was posted on the Disney Careers site, so had I not connected with Rick, I never would have been in the running.

3) I was flexible. Was the job perfect? Heck no. I totally could have snubbed my nose at the lack of benefits or the fact that the position was short term. I could have said it was a risk I wasn't willing to take. But I didn't. I accepted the flaws of the position because the benefits greatly outweighed them, and I had the confidence in myself that I'd be able to bob and weave when the 9 months ended.

The experience that I gained in that two years proved so invaluable on so many levels. I met and worked with amazing people throughout the Disney organization. I was on the celebrity PR beat, so I have countless stories to tell about which celebrities are nice and which are not (always great for parties). I learned massive amounts about leadership, creativity, networking and relationship building, and how to manage coming into work full of energy, even when a reporter needs access to Epcot at 3am (she needed to shoot the installation of the main topiary for the Epcot International Flower & Garden Festival, and the horticulturists do this overnight when Guests aren't in the park). I'm also pretty sure that having the name "Disney" on my resume helped catapult me into HBS when I applied with less than two years of practical work experience.

The moral of this story is the very cliche, but very true, "You can do it!" mantra, because I believe you can. Everyone around me, including myself sometimes, thought that getting a job at Disney straight out of undergrad would be impossible. But as Walt said himself, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible," and I couldn't agree more.

What questions do you have for me, either about this topic or about working for Disney in general? Let me know your thoughts, comments and more below. See ya real soon!

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Do you think you might be in the wrong job? Not sure how to figure out whether it's a bad day or a bad fit? Download my FREE eBook on this topic. I'll tell you how to evaluate your circumstances in 5 easy steps, and I'll give you hints on what to do when you've got your answer.

Want to learn more about the Career Coaching services that I offer? Head on over to my website (www.gabriellebill.com) for all the deets, then drop me a note if you'd like to chat.

Do you have an amazing career story that other people just NEED to hear? I'm always looking for new folks to feature in my Center Stage series. If that's you, reach out!

*Name changed