ARE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE WORKPLACE A DO OR A HELL NO?

Tuesday, December 29, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

Dating in the workplace is perhaps one of the trickiest subjects of all, because you're taking two of (arguably) the most important aspects of a person's life and making big decisions about whether or not they should intersect.

It's no surprise when I say that as an adult it can be harder and harder to meet other single people, so if you declare that you're never going to date someone you work with, you could potentially be closing yourself off to one of the few remaining avenues in which you're spending significant time with others of similar age, intelligence and income. Although these aren't necessarily important qualifications for everyone, for many there's an increased likelihood of success if the person they're interested is on a similar socioeconomic level.

Yet dating in the workplace can be dangerous, because it adds a highly emotional component to a space that, for many people, often requires a sort of cool, calm, logic-driven demeanor. I know my last company was very forthcoming in encouraging that I bring my "whole self" to work, but I still don't think they'd be thrilled if I couldn't get through a presentation because I was sobbing over my ex who was sitting at the other end of the boardroom.

I speak from personal experience when I say that dating someone at work is something I'd approach with increased caution, should I ever return to a more traditional 9-5, because I tried it twice and it ended badly both times. The first time I gave it a shot, I was a naive 22-year-old who had just started at Disney, and as the fairy tales go, an incredibly handsome Rico Suave type joined the team, and I fell victim to his charm. We didn't date for long -- 6 weeks, I think -- but a few things happened in that ever brief period of time.

1) Everyone in the office found out. It just so happened that this man's brother also worked in our office, so he knew, and with all the "water breaks" that the man himself took at my desk, it became sort of obvious that there was some level of beyond-work friendliness happening between us. I remember him actually being scolded once for distracting me too much, and there was one day that all I thought about for a good four hours was how I could lure him into the supply closet for a make-out session (it never happened, much to my dismay). There's no doubt I was distracted by his presence, and I'm sure it affected my work product to some degree.

2) It created awkwardness with my male boss. My boss clearly fell into the category of "everyone" that knew we were dating, and for some reason I think he felt it appropriate to try and "protect" me from this guy, whom he deemed not good enough for me. I remember him warning me not to get in too deep with him, and I had even heard through the grapevine that my boss had pressed the man's brother for details about how intimate our relationship had become. I realized then, just as much as now, that this conversation was entirely inappropriate, as my love life shouldn't have been a topic my boss broached in the first place, but I didn't act on it because I was stupid and somehow felt that by dating a co-worker I was asking for these things to happen. (Learn from my mistake on this one, and if ANYONE at the office ever engages in conversations that cross the line, please confide in someone and ensure that it stops. Something like this very easily could have turned into a sexual harassment issue.)

The second time I tried dating someone at work was again at Disney, but this time I was much older and, as I thought, wiser, so I assumed I'd have a better handle on making the relationship work. In some ways, I did. We did a much better job of letting only select people know that we were dating, and because we didn't work on the exact same floor or in the exact same building, we were able to keep our "water breaks" more hidden via instant messenger. The news of our dating thankfully did NOT spread like wildfire, and yet we felt comfortable holding hands or showing minor displays of affection in the presence of a core group of friends that knew we were together.

Where this one went wrong was in the break-up. I broke up with this man (and for a stupid reason, now that I have the blessing of hindsight), and things spiraled into an incredibly awkward mess. In the interim of our courtship, I had been transferred to the same building and floor, and the bathrooms so inconveniently were situated in between our desks. It became a sort of cat and mouse game where you had to pray that the other person wasn't walking to the bathroom at the exact same time, because when you did run into each other it wasn't pleasant. This ex of mine didn't take the break-up very well (and again, I understand why, and if I could apologize to him, I would), so when he saw me, he'd do a complete 180 and hurriedly rush in the opposite direction. It made coming to work sort of emotionally awful for both of us, because we'd keep running into each other and re-opening a painful wound.

Here's the thing, though. Just because it didn't work out for me doesn't mean it doesn't work out for others. One of my closest colleagues in my last role at Disney started dating a man on our team and managed to keep it super secretive for a really, really long time. Turns out they were a match made in heaven, got married and it was never an issue. Another woman on that same team is married to a high-up VP that leads another part of the marketing organization. In her case she has to make sure that she never directly reports up through her wife to avoid conflicts of interest, but the two of them have managed to stay happily married in spite of being near-colleagues.

At the end of the day, as I say with almost everything, you have to consider the course of action that's right for you. If you feel like you and your partner are really mature and could handle working side-by-side even if you break-up, then perhaps your risk of discomfort or embarrassment is lower. If you've been friends for a while, know each other well and are looking to take things to the next step, even better.

My only recommendation is that you have some frank discussions with your partner up front and come to decisions together about how you want to handle any issues that may arise. Do you want to conceal your relationship and for how long? When is it OK to discuss it in front of co-workers and how will you respond if you're directly asked about your relationship? How do you guys want to approach the workday in terms of your interactions, any displays of affection or increased time together (like during breaks or lunches)? The more you can have this conversation up front, the more you'll be prepared to handle whatever may come on the back-end.

Your turn! What is your stance on dating someone that you work with? If you've done it, how did it go?

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CENTER STAGE: CHRISTINA APPLETON OF THRIVE MARKET

Wednesday, December 23, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

One of the cool things about being a career coach is that once people hear you're in this line of work, they become really interested in talking to you about their jobs. And that's great, because I find that even people who think they've had boring careers inevitably have experienced something super cool and unique that makes for a compelling story.

I'm motivated to pass along what I hear not only because people are unbelievably fascinating, but also because I'm on a mission to convince you that dream jobs exist. I've been chanting this mantra consistently, but people still look at me like I'm an alien talking about unicorns and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. Clearly, additional evidence is needed to support my claim.

And that takes us to today and the very exciting launch of a brand new series of posts on Career & The City. A few times a month, I'll bring you stories of people whose careers deserve some time in the spotlight. Sometimes we'll talk about their career path; other times, we'll laser in on a topic or experience that might teach you something. With each of them, I hope you find a kernel of inspiration and maybe start clapping your hands in rapturous belief that fairies exist (OK, I'll settle for the former). No matter what, I'd love to hear your feedback and ask that you please send me a note if you, or someone you know, would be a great candidate for this series.

The honor of being our very first Center Stage chica goes to my friend and former HBS colleague, Christina Appleton. I love Christina because she's like a living bubble laced with a disarming and wonderful undercurrent of sarcasm. From the moment you talk to her you can sense her effortless effervescence, but then just when you think she's an endless optimist, she'll throw in a barb that forces you into a state of eruptive laughter. It's a pleasure.

Why else do I love Christina? She's had an amazing, twisty-turny career.

It started off normal enough, as most careers do. Armed with a degree in psychology and sociology from Northwestern University, Christina marched straight into a prestigious brand management position at General Mills, worked there for three years, and right on schedule, went to business school. (In her words, "When you get into Harvard, you go to Harvard.")

Business school was fantastic, but her career plans didn't fall into place as expected. It started with an ill-fitting summer internship at Sony Corporate in New York where she learned that business development was not her thing. Thinking perhaps she should try the creative side of the entertainment industry, her story continued with a painful post-graduation job hunt in California where she spent most of her time in a tiring commute from San Diego to LA for interviews. As a Harvard Business School graduate with an impressive, classically-trained CPG background, this wasn't the happy ending Christina thought she was in for.

Things took a turn for the better when, after a year and a half, Christina snagged a job working with Fox Sports in LA. She was given the awesome opportunity to develop and grow a brand new program - Fox Creative University - that combined sports, marketing, business savvy and both on- and off-air campaigns. As expected, she ran with it -- until it starting running her.

The program grew rapidly, to the point where she could no longer manage it on her own. Rather than give up, Christina hung on, developing ideas to continue to grow the program, while simultaneously making it more manageable for her life. Her leadership team shut her out. It became clear that they didn't truly care about Christina's happiness or sanity, and this felt like a slap in the face after all she had dedicated to the work. When she couldn't take it anymore, she quit without another job to go to.

This was a turning point for Christina. She had spent the last three years searching for her "place" in the working world, and ultimately, wasn't finding the satisfaction she craved. But pinpointing what was missing was tough. Wisely, she took a much-needed break to reflect, and what she discovered surprised her.

Christina comes from three generations of familial entrepreneurs, but had always told herself that the small business world was the very last thing she wanted to experience. Her great-grandparents had started a family grocery store, which her parents ran while she was growing up, but as an adolescent Christina had noticed more challenges with the lifestyle than benefits.

"My parents never took a vacation, and anytime something happened, it was always their problem to solve," she says. "Working at General Mills, at the end of the day if you screw up, it's just cereal. But for them it seemed like a very difficult life."

It was funny, then, that as Christina reflected, she couldn't get start-ups off her mind. She realized one of the most important things in her work was the ability to truly make an impact, influence a business and "matter" to the company. She was tired of feeling like a replaceable cog in a giant wheel, constantly at the whim of decisions made for her by a faceless c-suite executive who would never know her name.

Of course, moving to a start-up or small business would solve for this problem, but would also mean facing some of her previous fears: things like not having work/life balance and being directly responsible for the consequences (or successes!) of her decisions. Scared or not, she leapt toward the challenge.

For her first role, she took a job doing marketing, sales and operations for a weight loss startup, mostly because they were able to pay their employees -- something not many early-stage companies can do. After a few months, she transitioned to an interior design company, and about 8 months ago (it's commonplace for start-up employees to change jobs frequently), she took a job at the rapidly growing online health retailer, Thrive Market, where she leads merchandising and purchasing. And she loves it.

For Christina, the start-up world has provided the symbiotic work environment that she craved. She's free to dig in deep, make a big difference and grow her skills as she tackles challenges for which the path is unpaved. In return, she brings to the table a stellar resume with experience dealing with big personalities, unwieldy corporations and massive cross-functional teams.

And her fears about decision making and work/life balance? Unfounded. Christina had developed "rules" for herself based on things she observed or from what was "en vogue" at the time, but had never actually put herself in situations in which she could test the validity of these thoughts. When confronted with the challenges head-on, she realized neither actually bothered her, and in fact, they excited her.

"I sit and look at our e-commerce back-end and I'm changing pricing and putting together categories," she says with glee in her voice. "Plus, I realized that I don't need work/life balance. I actually want work to be a big part of my life."

Christina doesn't pretend that start-up life is perfect and readily admits that it can be tumultuous, but in her mind the risks are worth the reward. She envisages herself as the operationally-minded businesswoman that comes into a team of creative dreamers and "creates order out of chaos." She's fired up by the chance to shape the foundational structure the company will need to support the growth they crave and loves seeing the immediate impact of her decisions.

These days at Thrive, Christina's role focuses on negotiating with warehouses, managing inventory levels and pricing, and ultimately aiming to create the best customer experience possible. Her aim is to stay in start-ups as long as the market allows, ultimately moving into a COO-type role where she can use her strong project management skills to focus on a business' operations. She feels challenged and excited by her work every day, and for the first time, can say she's one of those people that loves reporting to the office.

I asked Christina if she would share her advice for breaking into the start-up world, and she offered these five tips:

1. "Throw out all of your expectations about who your coworkers are, who they should be and what work looks like. Going from an environment where everybody was an MBA or came from a top college program, we were all taught to approach or solve problems in a similar way. Going into start-ups maybe one or two other people have an MBA. You have to learn that just because you’re used to everyone approaching things the same way doesn’t mean it’s the best way."
2. Recognize that "every single start-up founder is crazy. The thing you'll find is that they’re all crazy in their own way. Understand the kind of crazy you’re ok with. Talk to as many people as you can. Whatever seems less weird and not so bad to you is who you should work for."
3. When you're negotiating your offer, you have to choose to negotiate for equity or for salary, not both. "If you don't have to worry about the cash flow as much, it’s most important to negotiate the equity side. If it was all about salary for me, I would have gone and worked for McKinsey like everyone else. On the other side, I have friends who are single and they focus more on the salary. [Figure out] what’s the bottom line that you need [cash-wise] to pay your bills and to save in case it goes under."
4. "You can be a structured person in the start-up world. Maybe I just missed that page in business school, but it wasn't clear to me. People think there’s only a need for big dreamer, creative types, but every start-up is going to become an actual business. They need someone to focus the big dreamers and get them to think about economics and ROI; how to make this an actual business."
5. "You have no data about what you’re getting into when you’re going to a start-up. When you join a corporation you can talk to people, you can research what it’s like to work there, but none of that information exists at a start=up. You have to just take a leap and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. Know when it's [time to stay] and when to cut your losses."

If you'd like to connect with Christina directly or have additional questions about start-up life, you can reach out to her on LinkedIn or via email. 

WHERE DO I SEE MYSELF IN FIVE YEARS? I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE...

Saturday, December 12, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

If you believe that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator offers anything of value (which I do, but apparently studies have shown it's a bunch of gobbledygook), then the fact that I'm an INTJ will tell you a lot about my personality. And while I've fluctuated over the years between E and I, N and S (that's extraversion versus introversion and intuitive versus sensing for those not familiar), I have absolutely, 100% always been a J.

J stands for judging, and confusingly, has nothing to do with how judgmental you are and more to do with how you like to live your life. J people prefer plans, structure, order, organization and sticking to decisions once they've been made. P people (the opposite of J's) prefer spontaneity, flexibility, adaptability and staying open minded as new information comes in.

If you know I'm an INTJ, you'll understand more clearly why I flinch in pain when you cancel our date at the last minute, or why I obsessively clean and organize my desk before I sit down and start my work. It's also why I write all of my engagements down in a paper calendar, why I have my workouts planned a week in advance and why I'm known to build daily (sometimes hourly) schedules for my vacations. These behaviors drive P people crazy, but J's like me find comfort in control.

Here's the downside. While us J people are excellent party planners, reliable partners in a relationship and the people least likely to forget a birthday, anniversary or important detail, we absolutely suck at dealing with, and embracing, the unknown. In fact, we overcompensate in these moments of uncertainty by reverting to what we do best: planning. And what tends to come along with the planning? Worry that the plan will fall through.

I read an analogy recently that helps bring this concept to life, and it goes a little something like this:

Would you feel foolish wearing your winter coat in the summer? We all know that winter comes every year, but most of us don't walk out our doors in July wearing a wool coat simply because we know that three or six months from now it could be cold enough to need one.

Yet, we do this routinely with our emotions. We anticipate the future and react emotionally as if "what we fear is imminent." With our winter coats, we know it's good enough to have one in the closet, and when it's time to wear it, we can take it out. But with our emotions, we make ourselves miserable anticipating the future, instead of waiting and dealing with what the future brings when it actually happens.

Now let's bring this concept to our careers.

I found my inspiration for this article from another post written by a (very well known, well-respected) coach. Her post was titled "Travel is terrible for your career," and in it she talks about how people who travel are "wasting their time," how it makes you look like you were incapable of getting a job, or perhaps worst of all, gives the appearance that you're a wanderer without a plan.

I haven't read enough of her content to know whether this is representative of her approach, but I do take issue with a lot of what she says here (including her judgmental tone and supposition that her experiences are applicable to everyone). That said, what really got me going was this concept that you must have a plan for your career or be forever doomed. Please. One of my beliefs is that we are absolutely foolish to be teaching teenagers and young adults that you have to have a "life plan" by the time you're 21. Or 31. Or 41. That's ludicrous and unrealistic. Most people need to gain lots of life experience, put their skills into practice and actually explore multiple careers before they know what they like, and even then, we are constantly changing and adapting as we learn more about the world and ourselves.

Remember how I said that I'm a J and there's nothing I love more than planning, structure and organization? And remember how I said that it means I love control and really suck at dealing with the unknown? Well even though these hold true for nearly every aspect of my life, I'm now going to tell you that I don't believe in trying to plan out my career. 

I used to. In fact, I started with a plan. When I was 18, I just knew I was going to be the Editor-in-Chief of People Magazine someday. Only, when I was 20, I laughed at that plan and said, that was silly because I just know I'm going to be the CEO of The Walt Disney Company. And then, seven years later, that plan flew out the window too. I never planned to move to Philadelphia. I never planned to get laid off, to start my own business or to become a career coach. Circumstances changed, I changed, and no matter how much I planned, I didn't see any of these things coming. Yet they did, and each of them brought valuable learnings and lessons to my life.

When I look at the careers of my friends, I see similar stories. My brilliant friend Tausha started her career at a large media conglomerate, and if you spoke to her then, she probably would have told you the entertainment industry was where she wanted to stay. But fast forward 10 years, an international Master's and a highly-successful travel blog later (it's called The Globe Getter...check it out!), and Tausha finds herself working in the travel division of a large organization in the financial services industry. Could she have guessed this would happen, or that the results would align in such a perfect pairing of her strengths and passions? Nope.

Then there's my friend Lauren. She started as a media planner at a small agency - a job that she hated. She also spent some time working for a large hotel, and almost by accident, wound up joining a huge online corporation in ad sales. As the years passed, she wound up moving into training and development roles, and now she's on the cusp of (yet another) massive promotion that'll put her in charge of things she never dreamed she'd be running.

The truth is that I speak to so many people as a career coach who feel terrible and lost because they've wandered off the plan they set for themselves, whether that plan was set based on their college major or something they dreamed up later in their career. Something happens that triggers a change, and they find that they're no longer passionate about, or inspired by, the work they do. These people come to me and tell me they feel broken or like they're betraying themselves, because all of a sudden their life is pushing them in a direction they hadn't planned. We're so conditioned to believe that we have to choose one, single career and pursue it with gusto for 45 years that when a kink reveals itself, rather than being trained to embrace it, we feel fear, guilt and shame.

We're well-intentioned with the plans we make, and we've been taught by employers who love to ask where we see ourselves in 5, 10 or 15 years that these details hold importance. But for many people, expertly-crafted and detailed ideas of the "path" your career will take can turn out to be harbingers of rigidity or negative feelings that don't serve you.

When I think about my career, I've found that learning to let go of my desire to over-engineer has provided me with a rush of freedom. Instead of focusing on what's next, I'm focusing on what's now. I'm taking energy I was wasting on worry and devoting it to making my present day fulfilling, rewarding and a learning experience. Ultimately, I believe that those actions will guide me toward the "right" next step in my career, when I'm ready to take that step.

Before we go, I want to make sure one thing is clear: By me saying that I no longer "plan" my career, I'm not implying or suggesting that plans and goals are a lost cause. Setting goals and creating a vision are hallmark coaching techniques, and for many people, the mere act of thinking about where they see themselves can put them on a trajectory toward making their vision a reality. Rather, my point is that our goals and plans change, so trying to figure out your whole life at 21, or make decisions with long-range goals in the back of your mind could back-fire if you don't remain flexible and open to opportunities that arise unexpectedly.

I say go on, set goals, and if you want to, continue to make plans. Just recognize that if you wake up one morning and your goal needs to change, it doesn't mean you're confused, lost or broken. It means you're human, and it means you've grown. And that's something to embrace.

SHOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT?

Monday, December 07, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

This is a really tough post to write.

Why? Because first and foremost, I've worked in a toxic environment (in fact on more than one occasion), so I can relate to the subject matter, and it's hard not to let those old emotions rise back to the surface.

Second, in my opinion there's little worse than getting up, day after day, and dragging your body to a job that you hate. Or a job where you're criticized. Or harassed. Or reprimanded so consistently that you start to question whether you have any skills, strengths or redeemable qualities at all.

Finally, an environment like that makes you feel shitty while you're at work, and if I were a betting woman, I'd guess you feel pretty shitty at home, too. As much as we try to convince ourselves that our professional and personal lives are distinct spheres, it's just not the case. They're intertwined, and what happens in one affects the other. Period, end of sentence.

One of my very best friends is smack in the middle of a situation that she readily admits is toxic, and she feels stuck. People all around her are quitting their jobs, her boss is monitoring her every move (even though she's a trustworthy, consistent high performer) and the woman leading her organization puts on a "face" for the public, then belittles her employees behind closed doors. She's at her wit's end, is applying for lots of jobs and really just doesn't know what else to do.

We spent more than an hour talking about her job the other night, and at the end of our chat she asked me to write a blog post with advice for people who aren't sure whether or not they should leave their toxic job. I thought about it, and knocking the post idea to the side for a moment, wanted to reach through the phone, march into her office and tell her company just how little they deserved her. I HATE seeing her in such pain.

But then I put my coaching hat on, tucked my personal feelings back where they belonged and told her this: I love the idea, but in coaching we believe (more often than not) that advice is dangerous. Advising someone to do something based on my personal values is counter to the foundation of coaching, which believes you need to take actions that align with your personal values. Especially in such a precarious situation as this, I could be doing a lot of damage if I told someone to quit their job and a result of them following my advice something negative happened.

Of course, I still want to help, so instead I've put together four steps that I hope will inspire anyone wrestling with this situation, and help them take a step back and evaluate the many alternatives they could pursue to bring about change.

Step 1: Create a vision of your ideal job. Write it down, maybe draw a picture, color it in.

When I say this to people, it often results in some funny looks, because they aren't used to thinking in terms of "ideals" (especially if their ideal job is to be a rockstar and they're a 45-year-old accountant). Trust me for a moment. Dreaming, using your imagination and envisioning what your perfect day on the job would look and feel like creates hope. It makes you feel excited and inspired, even if that outcome never comes to pass. And for someone that goes into work every day and feels awful, finding that source of hope can be a powerful motivator.

Step 2: Evaluate your ideal and figure out how your current job differs from your vision (even if that's theoretically). 

Let's take the rockstar example. One of the key differences between being an accountant and a rockstar is the ability to be creative. Or the ability to work outside of an office setting. Note the differences you discover, because they'll be key criteria for you to look for when/if you start hunting for new jobs.

Step 3: Think about all of the different ways you could remove the toxic aspect from your job.

Have a toxic manager that treats you poorly? Do they have the potential to improve? If yes, could you speak to them about your concern and share a course or article you've found on remedying the issue at hand? If not, could you move to a different manager that would treat you with more respect?

Hate the tasks you're doing everyday? Is the company big enough that you could move into a different functional area? Or, if it's a small company, could you pitch a new role to the executive team and create a job for yourself that would give you more pleasure? Could you suggest a rotation with another colleague looking for a change and give BOTH of you the chance to use your skills more effectively?

Step 4: Examine what you've learned, how you feel, make a decision and make a plan.

You might realize that in evaluating your situation more thoroughly there are a few different options you could try that would remove the toxicity. Maybe your efforts will work, maybe they won't, but particularly for people who don't have the luxury of just quitting their job, these small wins may make things a little more bearable (at maximum, they'll work better than you thought).

It may come to pass after all of this reflection that you do feel that leaving is the best choice, and in that case, I encourage you to set a goal, and develop your plan to meet that goal. Maybe for the next 6 months, you'll devote 5 hours a week to the job search, and you'll cut back on X expenses so you can save up X -- a buffer that would let you quit your job and stay afloat for X months.

Whatever the terms, build something that works for you and your lifestyle, but get specific and push yourself to set a deadline.

Ultimately, here's the good news. Most toxic work environments don't last forever because YOU are in the driver's seat of your own life. You have the power to make change happen, even if it takes time, so if you commit to creating a better situation for yourself, you can and you will.

This is going to sound SO cheesy, but as a Disney fanatic, I just have to end with this analogy. Remember the scene where Peter Pan is trying to teach Wendy, John and Michael how to fly? He instructs them to "think of the happiest things -- it's the same as having wings." When the children shift their mindset to wonderful things, wonderful things happen as a result. Sure, they need a sprinkle of pixie dust to help them along (because thoughts alone might not be quite enough!), but it's their own shift in mindset that activates what they previously thought was impossible.

On that note, you can fly, you can fly, you can fly. Believe in yourself. I do.

TO GRAD SCHOOL OR NOT TO GRAD SCHOOL: THAT IS THE QUESTION

Saturday, December 05, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

I get asked A LOT if going to Harvard Business School for my MBA was "worth it." First and foremost, this question always makes me smile because it gives me the opportunity to talk about two of the best years of my life, but after a beat, it also gives me pause.

Even without asking, it's almost always clear that people are defining the "worth" of my MBA from a financial perspective. They want to know if spending $150K for a two-year education delivers on the back-end. And, yes certainly, I have an opinion about the cost and the impact loans can have on your post-graduate life, but I also feel that examining my experience from this lens only would be doing it a dramatic disservice.

Going to Harvard was a very intentional decision for me. I went to the University of Florida for my Bachelor's degree in journalism, and while I was working at my dream company (Disney) after graduation, my role in the public relations department was slowly pushing me into a state of exhaustion. Sure, I have awesome stories about hob-knobbing with celebrities and getting paid to go to parties, but I also have stories about the time I had to pick up a reporter at 3am for a behind the scenes tour, or the time I had to interrupt weekend plans and rush to work because a celeb decided to stop by the parks.

I also knew I wanted more from my job from an intellectual perspective. I wanted to apply my critical thinking skills, be strategic and be connected to a function that was directing the work, rather than being the recipient of the plan.

I talked to every person that would meet with me so I could better understand the different roles at the company, and after talking to a colleague (Hi Randi!) about her job on the brand / marketing strategy team, I knew I had found my next step. Only problem was that getting a job on that team was akin to breaking out of Azkaban. Most people had MBAs, many had undergraduate business degrees, and even folks at the lower levels typically had a few (or more) years of marketing experience under their belt.

I was making a decent salary in my PR position, and since I was already feeling the itch for higher levels of responsibility, my ego wouldn't let me take a step back in order to weasel my way in to the department. So I looked for other avenues.

For me, the MBA was the solution I sought. If I was able to get into a top-tier school, I could earn a pedigree that was certain to catch the attention of lots of recruiters, even those outside of Disney. If I learned about ALL aspects of business from the best professors, devoted two years to my studies and spent three months in an awesome internship, I hoped it would be enough to convince employers I was indeed capable of performing in a strategic capacity.

Honestly, the money I'd spend to get my degree had little to no role in my choice. I knew from the start that it was expensive, and when I got $60K in fellowship money, noting I'd owe $90K in student loans after graduation, I still didn't bat an eye. This was Harvard, people: A once in a lifetime experience, and I was going to milk it for every penny.

And I did. I took classes with some of the smartest, most enlightened professors I've ever known. I met people from all over the world. I heard some of the most successful businesspeople share their stories of success and failure. I left with a brain and heart so full that I almost didn't know what to do with the energy that was so eager to burst forth.

I still had to fight for my post-grad job. Unlike some others in the program who had more extensive work experience prior to their degree or who went through official recruiting channels, I didn't have employers lining up to hire me for twice what I was making before. But as I expected, the Harvard name, and my newfound skills, did make people give me a chance.

My first job out of my MBA I made about 40% more than I had before the degree, and after a little over three years in that role, I negotiated another 30% salary increase when I moved to a new company. So all in all, I more than doubled my original salary in five years post-graduation. Of course, that doesn't mean I feel like I'm rolling in dough, because more than $700 a month goes straight to paying off those student loans, and it will continue to do so for another 10 years unless I can find the means to make even larger monthly payments.

I sort of suck at math, so I won't pretend to do the calculations for you, but I think that even with all the interest I'll pay on my loans, the increase in my earning potential puts me on top financially. But again, becoming a millionaire was never my goal for going to grad school. I wanted to use it as a vehicle to move me into a career that sparked my passions. I wanted to expand my personal knowledge and command of the business environment. I wanted to hone my leadership skills, and yes, I wanted to have fun. And I accomplished every one of those goals.

The challenge I find when I talk to a lot of "young" people today is that they don't really know how to think about the grad school decision. Although every career path is different, and for some folks like lawyers and doctors, going to grad school right after your Bachelor's is necessary, I find that many people default to grad school without giving its purpose much thought. In this tough economic climate, confused young professionals think getting a Master's degree is going to provide them with the answers they're looking for about which career path to pursue. Or they go because they think an extra degree is going to make them rich quick, but don't ever do the mental math to discover if that's true.

Much as I can wax on forever about how great my experience was, I don't actually believe that grad school is for everyone. I think it's something you should weigh carefully after (and only after), you've reflected on your personal values, skills, strengths and desires for your career. Build out a map of where you want to go, then determine ALL the possible avenues that could get you to your vision. Grad school might be one of those options, but I can almost guarantee that if you sit and think about it, you'll discover others too, and one of those may get you to your goal faster and with less out-of-pocket spend.

Need some guidance about how to frame up your decision? Take a few moments to think on these reflection questions:

• What is the goal that you're trying to achieve? Do you want to change into a new functional role? Do you want to earn more money? Do you want to move up faster in your career? 

• Can your goal be achieved in other ways? Could you switch into a new functional role without an advanced degree? Could you improve your negotiation skills or apply for a promotion to earn more money? 

• What's the cost and benefit of going to grad school? How much will this education cost (consider the "all in" cost, which includes not only tuition, but the money you'll spend on room/board and living expenses, any money you'll have to pull from savings to cover the costs...don't forget the opportunity cost of any salary you'll lose by not working if you choose to attend a full-time program)?

• What can you expect after you graduate? How much will your earning power increase after you complete your degree? Will you make enough to maintain the standard of living you desire with the added expense of loan repayment? In 10, 15 or 20 years will your graduate degree still be benefiting you? In what ways? What's the value of this benefit?

MANAGEMENT TIP: A RISING TIDE FLOATS ALL BOATS

Wednesday, November 18, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

About six months ago, I discovered podcasting. I know, I know, I'm dreadfully late to this game, but I never thought I'd like them til I found myself craving a "more productive" way to walk around Philadelphia. I've got a host of podcasts to recommend based on your fancy, but today's post comes in response to a recent episode of Good Life Project, hosted by Jonathan Fields.

Like most podcasters, Jonathan typically creates longer episodes featuring special guests, but this particular episode - "What if you were defined by your worst moment?" - was one of his shorter sound bites where he speaks on a topic for just a few minutes...long enough to give you a meaty bite to chew on.

In this episode, Jonathan tackled the hot topic of comparison and talked about how people prefer earning $75K a year next to people that earn $50K, rather than earning $100K a year next to people that earn $125K. Somehow that extra $25K of salary becomes "less valuable" to us, because we frame it in the context of being less than other people, and that fundamentally feels bad.

He goes on to talk about our tendency to make snap judgments of others, routinely based on a person's worst moment. A person might, in totality, have a life that's characterized by benevolence and kindness, but somehow when we witness that person in a single, weak moment and see them act out of rage, hatred, ignorance or the like, we apply that negativity to them as a whole. Sadly, there's something in this behavior that makes us feel better about ourselves, even if we might do the same exact thing at another point in time.

Jonathan's challenge is for us to become more conscious of this tendency and to rewrite the tape so that we're seeing people as fundamentally good. He asks that we aim less often to elevate our sense of self by making others seem "less than," and more to help others rise along with us.

I think regardless of the context, this is a great lesson to think about, but I see it with specific applicability in the working world, especially if you are a manager of other people. In my time in the work place, I've witnessed two general types of managers: those that manage from a source of fear and those that manage from a source of abundance.

What do I mean by that?

People that manage from a source of fear have a fundamental need to prove they are the "boss." They thrive off authority, being in control, and often, appearing to be the smartest person in the room. These managers might take credit for work you've done or might speak quickly and loudly in meetings so they're heard above the voices of others. They tend to recruit people they feel superior to, then seek to maintain that superiority. They might limit the tasks or challenges put before you, or might overly critique great work, as if they're actively looking for flaws.

People that manage from a source of abundance, on the other hand, believe that there are enough opportunities for everyone to succeed. They don't need to exert control at every moment of the day. They are confident in their abilities, but actively recognize that they're not the smartest person in the room. They seek to hire people smarter than them, because they know those people will not only help them learn, but will reflect success back on them. These managers will champion you for a promotion, even if that puts you at their level, because they're not in the game to compete with you, but to grow you.

The manager in the first scenario manages from fear often because of deep insecurities. Like the behavior Jonathan discusses in the podcast, they need to see others as inferior in order to boost their own self-esteem.

But these managers forget that a rising tide floats all boats. They forget that a team grows stronger, more capable and more productive as each individual member thrives. And what they don't realize is that their behavior creates vicious cycles that ultimately hinder their own growth.

An employee without autonomy, challenge and room to grow will either wither away and become a disengaged, under-performer or will become resentful of the manager, perhaps even complaining to a more senior leader. Just as the successes of a team reflect positively on the abundance-driven manager, so do these behaviors reflect negatively on the fear-driven manager.

One of the best pieces of advice that I received very early in my career was to watch the leaders around me and take note of their actions. When they did something that made me feel inspired, encouraged and motivated, I wrote it down. When they did something that made me feel discouraged, criticized or patronized, I wrote that down, too. I was challenged to build my own managerial style based on the positive things I saw in others, then work to squash any behaviors that I disliked receiving myself. It forced me to think about who I wanted to be as a manager, and it helped me actively craft and hone in on my leadership style.

Of course, no one's perfect. Everyone, even the manager who consciously strives to lead from a place of abundance, can (and probably will) slip into moments of managing from fear. We're human! But the great news is that if you can successfully develop a judgment-free work zone where your colleagues are accustomed to searching for the good in others, your mistakes will be seen as just that, isolated incidents that don't define you.

My challenge for you today is two-fold:

1) If you aspire to be a people manager someday, start observing other leaders NOW and think about what type of manager you want to be. Start practicing some of your skills, perhaps with interns or through indirect influence with colleagues. It's never too soon to start figuring out what feels authentic to you.

2) If you already manage people, reflect on your style. Think about the legacy you want to leave with your team and how your current style supports or refutes that goal. What are you doing well today, and what new behaviors could you put into place to strengthen your skills or relationships?

Let me know how your reflection goes in the comments below, and subscribe to Good Life Project while you're at it!

HOW DO YOU CULTIVATE GRATITUDE IN YOUR CAREER?

Tuesday, November 17, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

It's not uncommon for conversations to drift toward the subject of gratitude this time of year. In fact, many of us may be conditioned to search for things in our life that we're grateful for, in anticipation of the (dreaded? loved?) around-the-table question that often gets asked at Thanksgiving. It's wonderful that we take the time, any time, to focus on what we're thankful for in our lives, but it can make you wonder why this behavior isn't something we cultivate more routinely.

I became interested in writing about how to recognize gratitude within yourself and your career thanks to a coffee chat I attended this morning with the ICF (International Coaching Federation) Philly chapter. Once a month, a group of us meet at a coffee shop and spend a wonderful 90 minutes discussing a topic: how that topic resonates with us personally, how we use it in our coaching practice and any challenges it presents. Today, the topic was gratitude.

How does this relate back to careers, you might ask?

First and foremost, I've found that "gratitude" isn't typically a descriptor or emotion that we tap into when we're discussing our jobs. When meeting someone for the first time, one of the most common conversation starters tends to be, "So, what do you do?" and if the answer is interesting, perhaps we follow that up with, "Do you like your job?" or "What do you like most about your job?" But there's a distinction I think we often miss between highlighting the things we like about our jobs and cultivating a sense of gratitude for those same things.

I "like" that my job offers me flexibility. But simply stating that I like something is passive. It shows preference for that scenario, but the statement begins and ends there.

If I state that I'm "grateful" to have a job that offers me flexibility, suddenly I've turned that statement into an active practice. I'm very consciously establishing appreciation for that aspect of my job, and I notice that when I pause and turn inward to my emotions, I feel a dramatic difference in my body. (This sounds cheesy, but go with it!)

When I say I like dogs, I don't really feel anything because it's just a statement. But when I say I'm so grateful to have two loving, fluffy chihuahuas, I'm overcome with this intense desire to go over and smother them with kisses they don't want. When I say that I like to cook, maybe I feel a little inspired to think about what I'm making for dinner, but when I say I'm so grateful to have a refrigerator stocked with delicious, healthful foods, I'm suddenly inspired to not only create a gourmet meal, but to savor every bite of it with a much deeper level of appreciation. Am I crazy, or do other people experience this same physical change when they switch up their language?

Now, this doesn't just work when I change positive, "liking" language to frame it with gratitude; in fact, it's even more powerful when I can use it as a foil to reframe a negative thought. For example, I've been feeling some anxiety lately over being an entrepreneur and not always "knowing" the right next step to take in my business. In my past life, although there was always an element of experimentation, I'd had many years of experience to draw from, which guided me and created assurance. But when you're building your own business from scratch, you're writing the story day by day, and that means there aren't many past chapters to draw upon.

So what happens when I flip this anxiety and instead of saying that I'm so nervous that I don't know what I'm doing, I look at it as a tremendous opportunity to "own" my lack of knowledge and seek out the counsel of others who have walked this path before me? I am so grateful to have a reason to reach out to people, establish relationships and learn things I wouldn't discover on my own. If we go back to emotions for a second, it's amazing to see just how different I feel inside when I flip my statement and feel grateful for the opportunities in front of me. Instead of feeding the negative emotion (and feeling worse, as a result), all of a sudden I feel like I want to jump up and take action.

One of the biggest mindset shifts that one of the coaches at our chat talked about today is the progression from "I have to" to "I choose to" to "I get to," with that last phrase most embodying gratitude. I think a lot of people start at a place of "I have to go to work today," and over time as they build the career that best suits their passions, find that they can shift to the much more pleasurable, "I choose to go to work today." But how awesome would it feel to take that one step further and say, "I get to go to work today. I have the privilege of doing X, and I'm so thankful for it."

I encourage you to take some time in the next few days, weeks and months to think about your career in terms of gratitude. What are the things you're grateful for at your job? Are you grateful to have a supportive boss, a friendly team, a fun work environment, daily tasks that challenge your mind or something else entirely? Are there any negative spaces or weaknesses that you can flip and view as opportunities you're grateful to have? If you're already experienced with cultivating gratitude in your life, what are the ways in which you express or record it? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!

On that note, I want to take the time to thank YOU. Thank you for visiting Career & The City, for reading this post and for giving me a few moments of your highly precious time. I hope that you'll be inspired to think about gratitude even more this time of year, and year-round.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO BE MANY THINGS WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Monday, November 16, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

When I was 5 years old, my mom enrolled me in tennis camp for the summer. Even though I got my two front teeth knocked out on day one (I was too busy staring into the sky, day-dreaming when the instructor served me the ball), I loved it. The next summer, I went to computer camp, and the year after it was art camp. During the school year, I enjoyed doing my homework, took dance lessons, had a part in every school play and asked my mom if I could enroll in gymnastics and horseback riding (she said no to those). In my spare time, I wrote books and drew all the illustrations, and I loved helping my mom in the kitchen on the rare occasions that we'd bake or make a home-cooked meal. No matter what my mom threw at me - roller blading, bike riding, attending baseball games, craft projects - I pretty much loved it all. It got to the point where she'd jokingly tell her friends that she thought she could stick me in a pile of mud and I'd have a grand old time.

Fast forward to adult life, and perhaps unsurprisingly, this behavior has followed me. I still love trying new things and very rarely stumble upon an activity or event I dislike (I have found one exception to this rule and that is camping - sleeping in a tent with bugs and bears...no thank you).

But as much as this makes me a fun person to be around, this passion for many things has turned out to be tricky when it comes to my career.

When I was 14 years old, I started my own online magazine on AOL and ran it for four years as editor-in-chief. I loved doing it, so I decided to major in journalism in college. But by junior year, I was bored. I felt like I had "mastered" journalism (clearly I hadn't, but that's how I felt), and I was ready for a new challenge. So I added a business minor and when I graduated, I got a job in public relations, a tangentially related field. That was fun...for a little while...but I got bored then, too. Cue grad school.

I've established a pattern in my life and career so far where I choose a subject I'm incredibly interested in, dive SO deep and immerse myself in it, and then at some undefined point (a year, five years?) later, get completely bored with the subject and start searching for some new challenge to tackle.

I remember a conversation I had with my former boss and mentor, Bryan - there's going to be a whole post about him soon, as he is the epitome of a great boss - where I told him I was worried that my resume was going to start looking scattered. If I kept up this pattern of changing careers every three years, were employers going to start viewing me negatively? Bryan wasn't so sure I had established a pattern yet, but he did agree that it might look fishy if I continued to jump around.

I thought I was broken. I thought I was confused about what I really wanted. Or that I was indecisive. I told myself a host of negative things and wondered how others could be so sure about the one thing they wanted to do with their life.

It was only a few months ago that I really started challenging this thinking and wondering why it was that we are expected to find just one thing we're passionate about and pursue it with rigor for the entirety of our lives. And then yesterday my friend Allison shared this amazing TED talk with me that had me nodding my head and smiling for nearly a full 12 minutes. Give it a watch:




"I'VE FOUND MY PEOPLE," I screamed inside my head. "I'M A MULTIPOTENTIALITE!"

How freeing to know we're a "we," not a "me." That there's truth to the statement that you don't have to choose one, narrow course for your career if that's not what works for you. How freeing to realize that this behavior is not only normal, but pretty darn valuable for the perspectives and breadth people with diverse interests can bring to a work situation.

The lesson here goes back to something I said in my first post: that I had spent too much of my career thus far following the path I thought I should be on. Societal cues always told me I had to pick one thing for my career, and I felt pressure to conform. But the truth is that I can build my career in whatever fashion works for me, fulfills me and continually inspires me.

This doesn't mean I may not have my work cut out for me if it comes to explaining this behavior to an employer. That said, it's common knowledge today that the "spray and pray" resume method isn't very effective, so if I'm going to get my job through networking anyway, I feel confident that a good elevator pitch can help me explain my multipotentialite-isms. Hey, if Madonna can reinvent herself every five years, can't we all?

What do you think about the concept of a multipotentialite? Does that resonate with you, or are you more of a specialist? What are you most passionate about when it comes to your career?

WHAT DRIVES YOU TO DO YOUR BEST WORK?

Saturday, November 14, 2015 Gabby Bill 0 Comments

I first noticed that I felt "different" from other marketers when I started recruiting for internships (and later, full-time jobs) during my time at Harvard Business School. I had spent two years prior to starting my MBA working in public relations and publishing at Walt Disney Parks & Resorts and had explicitly come to HBS with the intention of parlaying my communications background into a more strategic marketing role. But as my colleagues flocked to the info sessions of "top" CPG companies, like Procter & Gamble, Kraft and Pepsi, I avoided them all.

When I thought about a career marketing toilet paper or mac 'n' cheese or a sugary soda I didn't believe people should be drinking anyway, I was overcome with a feeling of dread. And this was before I had even interviewed for, or been offered a job, doing any such work.

At first, I doubted whether I was "meant" to be a marketer. After all, these were the most prized marketing positions out there, and I was one of the few people snubbing my nose at them and wanting "more" from my job.

But then it dawned on me. My reticence actually had nothing to do with the discipline of marketing and had everything to do with what motivated me on the job. For some people, clearly, they were motivated by things like industry prestige, classical training, a structured promotion process, even salary, as these firms tended to pay among the higher rates for post-MBA marketers.

And it's not that I didn't think those things were cool, too, because goodness knows I also wanted to make a lot of money and work for a well-known brand. But I was ignoring the fact that, for me, motivation was strongly tied to the level of passion I possessed for the product or service I was marketing. It was what made returning to Disney so appealing to me - regardless of the fact that I'd be paid pennies or that I'd only be in control of one (maybe two, if you stretch it) of the "four P's of marketing" (product, price, promotion and place), I loved Walt Disney World, and the idea of marketing magic lit me up inside.

That said, I started to doubt myself again after spending 3 1/2 years as a marketing strategist at Disney after graduation. It wasn't that my experience was anything less than magical (for the most part): I was the brand manager for Epcot for 8 months, got to market a food & wine and flower & garden festival, and got to be a part of the team that proctored a long-standing partnership with HGTV. I also worked on Disney Cruise Line for a few months, launched a stuffed toy product in the US parks and spent two amazing years revitalizing the national prospect marketing strategies for Disney Vacation Club, Disney's timeshare product.

I still loved Disney just as much as ever, but for the first time, the absence of some of those things I had passed up on at HBS - particularly salary and a structured promotion process - started to bother me. I got resentful that Disney promised me a raise, then buried their head in the sand every time I reminded them I had still not received it. I felt hurt when I was told I was the strongest performer at my level, but then deemed "too young" for a promotion. I started to believe - to my own surprise - that I had been wrong from the start and that the product I was marketing actually didn't matter if I had a strong salary, good benefits and could increase my title and responsibilities.

When I accepted a new job at Capital One a few months later, I solved for the problems I had been facing at Disney. I got a $20K+ increase in base salary, a massive yearly bonus (and a signing bonus), upped my title to "Manager" and joined a team of other "young" marketers that wouldn't judge me by my age. I even felt a little bit excited about the product - I was to work in the direct bank division and had been a Capital One 360 (formerly ING Direct) customer for years. It seemed like a match made in heaven.

Of course, you know the other shoe did indeed drop.

After the initial high of starting a new job, figuring out the ropes and trying to influence change where things were broken, I got bored fairly quickly. Analysts would wax on about financial terms that I never fully understood. Colleagues of mine would get so excited about developing a piece of direct mail to get someone to open a new checking account. And all I could think about was how much I missed roller coasters, churros and Mickey Mouse.

Despite what it may sound like, I'm not at all trying to say that my jump to Capital One was a bad decision or that I regret it, because it's led to other amazing things that I couldn't even have imagined. Rather the experience taught me lessons about the power of intrinsic motivation. Even though I wanted my motivation to be tied to external rewards and be one of those marketers who could "market anything," money, title and prestige alone just weren't enough. In the absence of a product that truly excited me (along with some other duds that I'll discuss in future blog posts), the pull of those rewards faded fast, and I was left like an empty tank of gas.


I encourage you to read the book if you want to truly understand how Daniel crafted this framework, but here are my three key takeaways, if you're OK with Cliff's Notes: